Ghost Jokes

What sort of underwear does the ghost of a French baker wear?

Boulangerie.

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How do ghosts fly from one place to another?

A: By scareplane.

What happened to the ghost who went to a party?

He had a wail of a time.

What do you call a ghost in spring?

April ghouls

What do ghosts do when they're sad?

They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.

What do ghosts drink for Halloween?

BOOOOZE!

What did the ghost say on December 25th?

A: Scary Christmas!

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?

A boo-tie.

How does a ghost start a letter?

Tomb it may concern.

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What's ur biggst fear?

Child1: Ghosts! Child2: Dogs! Child3: That humanity's core reaction to misunderstanding is anger

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

Where do ghost trains stop?

At devil crossings.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!

What do ghosts use to phone home?

A terror-phone.

What do ghosts like about riding horses?

Ghoulloping.

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

What is the worst race of ghosts?

Spooks

How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint?

He gets pale as a sheet.

What do you call a ghost at midnight?

A sheet in the dark!

What do you call a ghost on the Internet?

e-erie.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?

A holy terror.

Why is a ghost like an empty house?

Because there's no body there!

Who do ghosts worship?

Boo, DUH!!!

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

Where do ghosts live?

A: At the dead end.

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert?

Dr Spook.

Why do ghosts never age?

They use Bootox.

What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts?

I don't even wanna talk to the living.

What do get when a ghost picks his nose?

Boooooogers!

Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?

She was trying to get ahead !

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I Scream.

Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

They had just dread-ged the lake.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?

At the ghost office.

What does a ghost wear when it's raining?

boooooooooooooots

Why was the ghost uneducated?

He was too ghoul for school

Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?

It lifts their spirits.

What do you call a ghost that loves soccer?

Ghoooooooooooooouuull!

What's the best way to ward off ghosts?

To which I replied: "a camera."

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?

The Dead Sea.

When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?

When they lose their haunting licenses.

Why don't ghosts like rainy days?

Because it dampens their souls!!!!

Where would you take a ghost for lunch?

Pizza Haunt!

Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

Because he always brings the boos

What does a ghost get when he is horny?

A booner

This joke may have profanity.

Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

Why are ghosts always just moaning?

Did your manners die too Use your words!

What room is a ghost scared of?

The living room( haha get it )

What makes a ghost happy?

An elevator. It lifts the spirits.

What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores?

Spirits

When do ghosts usually appear?

Just before someone screams.

What did one ghost say to another ghost?

Do you believe in people "

What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops?

Am I free to ghost "

What does a ghost pick out of his nose?

Boo-gers

What do you call the ghost of a Native American accordion player?

Pocahontas

Which day of the week do ghosts like best?

Moandays.

What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party?

Hallowieners!

What do you call a ghost that stays out all night?

Afresh air freak.

What did one ghost say to another?

I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people.

What would Bill Nye be called if he spoke to ghosts?

Bill Nye the Seance guy.

Why will the ghost never succeed in life?

He's too eeriesponsible!!!!

Why do ghosts make the best thieves?

Because possession is 9/10 of the law

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

grave-y gravy

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?

A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader ?

A spooksman !

What ghost is handy in the kitchen?

A recipe spook.

Why the letter "G" is scary?

In one fine evening it can turn your host into . . . GHOST.

What do you call a ghost who's always sleeping?

Lazy bones.

What do you call a ghost without any feet?

A lost sole

Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?

At a ghastly station.

Why didn't the ghost go to the dance party?

Because he had no-body to dance with.

What do you call a ghost who only haunts the Town Hall?

The nightmayor.

What do ghosts get arrested for?

Possession.

What do ghosts get when they're aroused?

Booners

How do ghost listen to music?

With a bootooth

Which ghost ate too much porridge?

Ghouldilocks.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?

MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare?

He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos.

What do ghosts call their true love?

Their ghoul-friend

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

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Seven Sea Jokes More Seven Sea Jokes

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet?

Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas.

Package Jokes More Package Jokes

Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons?

It's just air!" Exactly "What " It's inflation "I hate you"

What is the last step in manufacturing Tickle-Me-Elmo's before packaging and shipping to stores?

Give it two test-tickles.

' Rantijoke Jokes More ' Rantijoke Jokes

How do you tell if you've posted an anitjoke in /r/Jokes?

If someone comments saying you posted an antijoke and that you should rather post your joke in /r/antijokes.

What's a clown's favorite restaurant?

mod post from r/AntiJokes) I wouldn't know, as a mime I cannot comment.

Sheet Jokes More Sheet Jokes

What do a tuna, a piano, and a sheet of adhesive paper have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

Exist Jokes More Exist Jokes

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens didn't exist yet.

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

Trip Jokes More Trip Jokes

Why is a racehorse like a letter?

They both begin a trip at the post!

What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

They'll turn it into a bombardeer

Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What do you get if you are telling puns while jogging?

A running joke.

Why does mowgli run away from Shere Khan?

Islamophobia.