Joke Jokes

What makes a joke about ISIS funny?

The execution

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What's a joke?

My life...

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?

Tell her a joke on a Monday!

Why do blind people always laugh at jokes?

Same as why they don't drive. They never see it comming.

Why did the dad say the joke instead of act it out?

Because it was cheesier said than done.

Why are woman's feet always so cold in bed?

Because they have no soles. Joke my fiancee just said to me.

What is this?

A Joke "

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

What joke?

Exactly".

What does a rock do all day?

Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)

Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned?

Because they're infeggtious

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What's something a third wave feminist can't take?

A joke.

What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.

Why do ISIS fighters only drink instant coffee?

Because they hate the French Press. (This joke used to be more topical)

Why didn't the cashier laugh at my joke?

It didn't make cents

What's the last thing you want to see on the reddit frontpage?

This joke. PS: You don't think so Prove me wrong.

Why did the toilet make a joke about the balls?

It was low hanging fruit.

What's musical and useful at the grocery store?

A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible "Joke of the Day" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever.

How many /r/ users does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, one to complain that it has already been done before, and one to repost this joke.

How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb?

He said Nein My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.

What do you call an egg that cures cancer?

A keurig. Joke written by my 9 year old son.

What do you call jokes about eyes?

Vitreous humour.

Why is it good to post jokes about feminists?

It promotes equality.

What kind of jokes do filipinos make?

Punny ones

What do you call a fuzzy animal that grows on trees?

A root bear! (I came up with this joke a few minutes ago. I hope it's funny)

What do you call people who don't repost jokes?

liars

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

Whats a joke so bad its funny?

I just want some really hillarious jokes, preferably long ones

Why doesn't Nigel Farage like election forecasts?

He dislikes poles polls How do you type jokes that rely on similar sounding words It hard :(

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?

It's CoRnY

How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who gives a cluck (I wonder if the moderators will censor this joke merely on the grounds that it is categorically terrible )

What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?

THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!

How many redditors does it take to repost a joke?

About four.

What do you call making jokes of a chicken on fire?

Roasting a chicken.

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

a hobbyte Cortana told me that joke

Why aren't there very many jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones?

The punchline is too long.

Why did users stop coming to r/jokes?

Because their jokes weren't very funny.

Why is r/Jokes only text, and forbids external links?

Because black people can't be offended if they're only reading jokes.

What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?

Purranks.

What do you get when... what do you get when you mix a joke and a rhetorical question?

a rhetorical answer

Why didn't the skelton cross the road?

Answer in comments so you can fully appreciate the joke)

How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?

Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)

What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?

It blew up

What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet?

I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ?

Tell him a joke when he's a baby !

What is crucial to any joke about ISIS?

The execution

Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?

Because they ror.

What do you get when you cut up an avagadro?

Guaca**mole**y edit: how do I make it not say this joke is Dirty

Why wasn't Michael Jackson allowed to perform at the children's hospital?

Because he is dead. ((I came up with this joke when I was very tired.))

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

How can you tell someone is a vegan, cross fitter, or an atheist?

alt) Make a joke about them, and then they'll get real offended.

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)

What's supposed to be funny, but let's you down?

This joke...

How many Poaz does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

None she is the joke

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

What's the difference between a contradiction and a punchline?

There's no punchline for this joke.

Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown?

A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown.

What kind of a joke does a black person not get?

Dadjokes

How to ruin a joke on Reddit?

Misspell the paunch line.

Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones?

I think it's because usually the punchline is too long

How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.

What do you call someone who can't take a joke about cancer?

Someone with no sense of tumor.

Why didn't Silento knock before coming inside?

Because you already know who it's isss! My little sister told me this joke.

What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

A:.........

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

When is a --- not a ---?

joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door &gt

What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.

Why won't you read this joke?

Cause you've already reddit!

Why didn't the armless man get the joke?

He just couldn't grasp it.

How does someone with amnesia tell a joke?

I don't remember.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far?

It's elected President.

How many of you know this funny man pakalu papito ?

Its one of his joke.

Why did Tony cross the road?

To get to the other side. He then turned around, stuck up his middle finger and said, "Hah, you were all expecting a joke, and all you got was an Anthony joke!"

How do you crack a joke on r/Jokes?

ctrl+v.

What word starts with M and ends in arraige and is a man's favourite thing?

Miscarriage. This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

Why Is Chemistry Racist?

It's very selective. Edit. My first time making a joke. I know I can't make a joke. This is not directed at anyone.

Why are some jokes so funny?

Doctor, Doctor why are some jokes so painfully funny -It must be the punchline

Why do horses make terrible congressmen?

Because they can only say "neigh!" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary.

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit?

Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments.

What's a sharks favorite game?

Swallow the leader. *This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*

What to hear a joke about dementia?

Pickles

What would you like it to be ?

A joke .

What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion?

Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)

How do you tell if you've posted an anitjoke in /r/Jokes?

If someone comments saying you posted an antijoke and that you should rather post your joke in /r/antijokes.

Who joke what do Dr. Who's enemies do when they get dirty?

Dalek themselves clean

Why did the kids tell jokes to the mirror?

They wanted to see it crack up!

Why is this joke bad for the environment?

Because it wasn't recycled.

What's the difference between three black guys and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?

The corniest ones.

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

Why does the house only have one window?

Cheeseburger (joke from my 3 year old neice this evening)

What makes a joke bad?

redundancy.

How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke?

Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it.

What don't homeless people get?

Knock knock jokes

How do you call a joke that is not funny?

Lame.

What's the best part of running a marathon?

Ha! You actually thought I ran a marathon! Jokes on you, I'm just drunk!

You might also enjoy:

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Zoo Keeper?

The Storm Trooper would have missed harambe

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What is the best part of the camp?

One wise guy answered 'Going home!'

Why are you here?

And Elsa answers: "Because they don't let me go."

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of doctor prescribes Coke and 7-up for a living?

A Poptometrist!

What type of transporter does Mr. Scott use?

A Beemer.

Funniest Jokes More Funniest Jokes

What is the funniest two legged lizard?

The stand-up chameleon.

What are your best racist jokes?

I find racist jokes to be the funniest! Share your best racist jokes here, but please stay respectful ;)

Sushi Jokes More Sushi Jokes

What do two sushi say after one tells a lame joke?

Nigiri, please."

What did the japanese chef do after he dishonored the emperor?

Commit sushi

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

How can that help in this job?

You do the math"

How do you help a choking pig?

With the Ham-Lick maneuver of course

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why did the mushroom have so many friends?

He was a fungi.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins?

They think they are in a pickle.

What is the South American Music Scale?

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti No (This is a joke I wrote a loooonnngg time ago, tell me what you think.)