Let Jokes

What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?

Time to get a new watchdog.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What do women and police cars have in common?

They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Why didn't Rose get an iPhone 7?

She never let go, Jack.

Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow?

To look more like their mom.

What did the flat iron say to the follicle?

Now let me get this straight . . .

What did the angry inflatable teacher say to the irresponsible inflatable child in the inflatable school?

Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, and you've let the whole school down!

Why we going into the woods?

Let me out"

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What is worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?

1 baby nailed to 10 trees Sure, oldest one in the book but whatever lets hear what you got gang

What key won't let you through any doors?

A turkey.

How to end world hunger ?

By letting the hungry die.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Who should get the cat?

I don't know...let's see who he loves the most" 3 weeks later Can you tell "Nope"

What did one tornado say to the other?

A. "Let's twist again like we did last summer...."

Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb?

A: He couldn't part with it.

How about a private dance "Okay let's go" *heads to private room* "You ready?

Oh hell yeah *we both do the cha cha slide*

Why is Elsa not allowed a balloon?

Because she'll let it goooo

Why can't Elsa hold a balloon?

A: Because she might Let it Go

What would you're opening line be?

Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

How's my life?

Let's just say I'm starting a lot of sentences with "let's just say".

Who knows... Maybe Japan hacked Sony?

Yeah... Lets blame Sony.

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

the guy likes his power chords too much.

What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife?

Let's grow MOLD together!

Why was the snow yellow?

Elsa let it go!

What did the number 1 say to (pi)?

Let's get rational you can't carry on like this!

What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!

How's the meal?

Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

How are you so strong?

LET ME GO TINY DANCER

What do beekeepers say when they go to work?

Alright, let's get down to beeswax!"

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

Why didn't Pope John Paul let dogs into the Vatican?

Because they pee on poles.

What did Norman Bates call his little sister?

You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)

What is another term for ob gyn?

A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons

What happens when you witness a shipwreck?

You let it sink in.

What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go?

Flabio.

What did one cancer cell say to the other cancer cell ?

Let's go get Jobs.

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

What's on at the cinema?

Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see.

Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

How do you keep getting in here?

ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out.

Why does nobody like to sit next to Elsa?

Coz...she "let's it go!"

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

Let us prey.

What did the car baby say to his car dad?

Hey dad, let's tell a joke for car ma!

What do a loading bar and my girlfriend have in common?

Both equally inefficient at letting me know when they are actually ready.

Where do we go?

Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

Why won't the ocean let us drink its water?

Because it's too salty.

How the hell should I know?

Let me talk to a few criminals and see who they think is scariest."

What does a cat say when its trapped in a box?

Let MEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWt

What about Take Me On?

4 hrs of arguing later "Ok we'll say both. Now let's get perms."

What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

How many extroverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's throw a party while we're at it.

What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?

A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

How do you know if someone was in the military?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

What's a let down Chinese lobster called?

A crushed asian

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

What did you just say!?

I recommend an immediate heart attack and let the paramedics carry you out of the room.

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What is Oedipus Rex's Mom's favorite Elton John song?

Don't Let The Son Go Down On Me

Why don't you shoo those flies?

Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

Why does Wally (Waldo) always wear stripes?

Because he doesn't want to be spotted! I'll let myself out.

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air?

Lets get right into the noose.

What's the difference between a four-year-old and a bag of cocaine?

There's no way Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window!

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways... Five.

Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.

Which one!?

I mean let me see your license

Why does the devil get such a bad rap?

Because like everyone in marketing, he always lets his own stuff slide...

Why couldn't Elsa hold on to a balloon?

She would always let it go.

What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter?

Isisicles

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing

How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

He let out a little wine.

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5 Year Old Nephew Jokes More 5 Year Old Nephew Jokes

How do you shoot a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun. You hold his trunk until he turns blue, then you shoot him with the blue elephant gun Edit: My 5 year old nephew loves this joke.

Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

God Jokes More God Jokes

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

How do you know that God isn't a woman?

Because I'm not a sandwich.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why'd the little girls ice-cream melt?

She was on fire.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 8 pints

How can you tell if someone got their dog from a shelter?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?

BAAAHH RAIN!"

Why did the young ghost leave the party?

Everyone started drinking boo's. Happy Halloween!

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What should I tell him?

Doc says, "Tell him I can't see him today."

How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's

Ronald Reagan Jokes More Ronald Reagan Jokes

What's Ronald Reagan's favorite vegetable?

James Brady

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What's the best way to get a youthful figure?

ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.

Why can't I get it up?

Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.