Lightbulb Jokes

How many elves does it take it screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but they have to be very small.

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How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one.

How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?

A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard.

How many /r/jokes reposts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Apparently a lot, because that lightbulb still isn't screwed in.

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.

How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ?

You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.

How many Star Trek captains does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but there are FOUR LIGHTS!

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the lightbulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

How many wiseguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who's asking

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

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How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)

How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whats the point 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.

How many abstract artists does it to screw in a lightbulb?

A fish!

How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yarn.

How many accident-prone people does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're on our sixth.

How many acrobats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to yell "Ta-daa!" when he's done.

How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

How many Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five, one to change it, and four to dance around for no fucking reason.

This joke may have profanity.

How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

How many Amish guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One... I mean, they aren't fucking retarded.

This joke may have profanity.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A what?

How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question, anarchists can't change anything.

How many anti-Trump protesters does it take to change a lightbulb?

TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but you've got to wonder how they climbed up there!

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

How many Apple Geniuses does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we just swap out your whole house

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year.

How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A hundred but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1.. 2.. 3.. BOOM

How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.

How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Should it really be a lightbulb

How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub

How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!

How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Both of them.

How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they're all too busy complaining about this joke.

How many Atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to actually do it, the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that God did it.

How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It will change when the fire nation attacks

How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

How many ballerinas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5,6,7,8!

How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Five. One.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None the keyboardist can do it with his left hand.

How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The bear minimum

How many bees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

How many believable competent "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?

It's going to be a dark 4 years isn't it

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?

None--He'll only promise "change."

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?

Toucan

How Many Bit Coins Does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?

00000000000001adf44c7d69767585--5572eca4dd4-db7d0c0b845-916d849af76 PM me the answer!

How many black guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

You cant count them when its dark

How many black guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one - you fucking bigot.

This joke may have profanity.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb?

You will find out when the light comes on.

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Nobody knows, there's no light.

How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one.

How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.

How many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb?

A lot, because they're fucking stupid.

This joke may have profanity.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"

How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution

How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.

How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.

How many Brazilians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One Brazillion.

How many Brexiters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Woah woah woah... I never said there was a lightbulb!

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

How many Brits does it take to change a lightbulb?

Manual work That's what underpaid Eastern immigrants are for pff

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three hours credit.

How many Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, change comes from within.

How many Budists does it take... How many Budists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The change, if needed, will come from within.

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, as long as they can find a way in.

How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Click here to find out!

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

13\. Number 9 will shock you!

How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella. How long does it take them Days.

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella.

How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying "Aww, how brave."

How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.

How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE !

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None that's a hardware problem

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

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Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

Why did the hippie drown in the ocean?

He was too far out.

Why do hippies wear pachouli??

So blind people can hate them to

Virgin Jokes More Virgin Jokes

What do hemophiliacs and virgins have in common?

One prick...and it's all over.

How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand?

Because she uses the other one to sing.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?

A: He wanted to sing higher!

Middle School Jokes More Middle School Jokes

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

What's the longest, hardest thing in a Republican's life?

Middle school.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why can't you be the king I know?

The king you have inside you SIMBA: That doesn't make sense. I think I'd remember if I ate a king.

Why do bees hum?

Because they can't remember the lyrics

Unscrew Jokes More Unscrew Jokes

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but when he unscrews the bulb, the lights go out and your xbox is gone.

Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between a goat and a kid?

I stopped butchering goats.

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

What did earth say to the other planet?

You guys have no life!"