Look Jokes

What does a walrus and Tupperware have in common? .. They both like a tight seal *What looks like a lemon and shaped like a rock? .. A lemon shaped rock *What is brown and sticky? ..A brown stick

How do you spot a sumo at a feminist rally?

Look for the one with shaved legs....

What do you call it when a transcendentalist author looks at old photos?

Thoreau Back Thursday

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

My you're looking "acute" today.

What does an Alzheimer's patient say whenever they browse /r/funny?

Hey, this looks new!"

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are?

They're the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

What did the bobby (English policeman) say to the hitchhiker with three heads, no arms and one leg?

Ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, 'op in."

What do numbers look like when they get divorced?

What do walruses and tupperware have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

What Did The Jumbo Shrimp Say To The Jumbo Crab?

Looks like you've got me in a pinch."

What do you say to change the atmosphere at a dinner party?

If were all here, who's looking after Madeline?"

What is the best part about showering with a 14 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back just right, she looks nine!

Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because he'd look pretty silly with four inches.

How can you tell when an accountant is extroverted?

He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

How are old jokes on reddit like a herpes outbreak?

You know they are going to keep coming back, and despite the fact they are weaker each time, you still don't look forward to them.

What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?

The iPhone Ayyyye-t

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

What did the mayonnaise say to the man opening the fridge door?

Don't look. I'm dressing."

Where could you look up Joan of Arc's profile?

On Tinder.

Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?

All of those guys already have boyfriends.

How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ?

He looks at shoes when he's talking to you.

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded? Looks like we have debris all over the place

What did Davy Crockett say when he looked over The Alamo wall and saw 5,000 Mexican Soldiers?

Who the hell ordered a new roof?"

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster showed up for the ball?

You look quite put-together this evening.

How can you tell if your "designer clothes" are made in China?

If they look fabric-cated Very bad, I know. "This is why we don't have friends!!"

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

What are you looking for buddy?

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

What's the worst thing to hear during a prostate exam?

Look! No hands!

Where does a lonely ant go when it is separated from its colony?

I have no idea, but this looks like a good joke. So post your proposals in comments.

Why can't Vader find a steady relationship?

He keeps looking for love in Alderaan places

What's brown and black and looks good on a hippy?

A rottweiller.

When are they going to bring slavery back?

I am tired of looking for a job.

Why did the brother octopi look so alike?

They were itentacle twins.

What's the difference between up and down?

It all depends on how you look at it

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

How does every racist joke begin?

With a look over the shoulder.

Why did Tigger get stuck in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh.

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit?

What did the NSA agent say when the blizzard hit? Looks like we're snowed in.

What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

Why don't they have phone books in China?

Because everyone uses the Internet to look up phone numbers or people don't have landlines anymore and cell phone numbers aren't listed in the phone book. Also people use social media to communicate and connect with people.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?

Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you. Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.

Why do proctologists like Facebook?

It's another chance to look up old friends.

What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.

How can you tell if a Redditor is an extrovert?

During any conversation he's looking at YOUR shoes.

What has two legs and looks like a spider?

A spider. (They have two legs and an additional six legs also)

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Why do they say all minorities look the same?

Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamaul.

Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise?

He was looking for the Captain's log.

What did Peter Pan say during the plane crash?

It looks like we're going to Neverland."

Why shouldn't you look at a cup of ranch?

Because it's still dressing.

Who has two thumbs and looks an awful lot like Alec Baldwin?

Alec Baldwin

How does every black guy joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

How are lawyers and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from a tree

What do a Tupperware designer and a horny walrus have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

This joke may have profanity.

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.

What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva?

Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.

What is best potato?

Latvian potato is best potato. Is kind you spend whole life looking for. Also, low calories.

What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old?

doesn't matter... must not look down..

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

What did the Mancunian abortion doctor say to the fetus?

Don't look back in hanger"

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between a introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer?

What is the difference between a introverted engineer and an extroverted engineer? An introverted engineer looks at his feet when he talks to you. An extroverted engineer looks at YOUR feet when he talks to you!

What was the Walrus doing in the Tupperware store?

Looking for the tight seal

What does religion and Ikea have in common?

The stuff they have looks good but its impossible to put together. huehue

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Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What part of your computer is most likely to molest your child?

The PDF file. What part of your computer is most likely to molest your child The PDF file.

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

Mirror Jokes More Mirror Jokes

What did the bookshelf say when it looked in the mirror?

I can see my shelf"

Where do you see yourself in 10 yrs time?

Same as now - in photos and mirrors," I replied

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.