Bread Jokes

How does Tolkien make his bread?

With Frodough.

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How do you make a rave party in Africa?

You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.

What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?

Heh, disguised toast.

What did the oven tell the slice of bread?

You're !

How do they package bread at the bakery?

They baguette.

Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made out of pasta?

Made out of bread was taken.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

What do you call bread so burnt it can never be ate?

Comatoast

What did one loaf of bread say to the other?

Weirdo.

Why are bakeries always so depressing?

They're bread inside.

Why does bread not have eyebrows?

Because it's bread.

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What's a redneck's favorite type of bread?

Inbred

What is Jesus' favorite video game on earth?

I am bread.

What does the unemployed starving man ask his rich baker friend?

I just need some bread

How can you tell if a loaf of bread is a boy or girl?

Feel around for the dough nuts

Why do rednecks make the best sandwiches?

Because they are in bread.

Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread! Now he's toast

Why did the airplane crash into the building?

BECAUSE THE PILOT WAS A LOAF OF BREAD!

Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread?

The middle yeast

Why did the plane crash into the mountain?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

Why did the plane crash into the ocean?

The pilot was a loaf of bread

What service do you get if you sleep in a bakery?

Bread and Bakedfast!

What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread?

A faggette

What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

It e-loaf-es! :)

Why did the grain call his sister "momma"?

Because he was in bread!

What do you call a baby seal between two slices of bread?

A clubbed sandwich

What is the most racist type of bread?

A biguette

What do you call a bread that catches a cold?

Flu-catcher bread

What kind of bread do Rednecks like?

Inbred

Why did the German baker claim on his insurance at Christmas?

Because his bread was stollen!!!

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

You tape bread to the ceiling.

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

What does a pickle use to make bread?

Dill Dough.

What do you call breads ability to smell?

Naan sense!

What does a sandwich filling share in common with Joffrey Lannister?

They are both in bread.

What do you call a baker who doesn't make bread?

I don't dough!

What's the difference between an American and a moldy piece of bread?

The bread has more culture.

What does Justin Bieber and jam have in common?

They're both in bread

What does a redneck and yeast have in common?

They are both "in-bread" Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke.

Why did the airplane crash?

The pilot was a loaf of bread.

What's Ja Rule's favorite type of bread?

Challah!

What do you get when you plant a loaf of bread?

A bakery.

What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?

If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole!

Why is flour retarded?

Because it's in-bread.

How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?

The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany?

Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

Who's there ! Buddha ! Buddha who ?

Buddha this slice of bread for me !

What looks just like half a loaf of bread?

Its other half.

What did the bread do after it had been oppressed for many years?

Rye-ot

What do you get when you cross a loaf of bread with a buffalo?

A: A buffaloaf.

What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What do you call a pompous piece of bread?

A braguette.

What do you call food between two slices of bread?

a sandwich

What's so lame about a duck President?

Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!

Why do Rednecks love cheeseburgers?

Because they are in bread.

Why did the airplane fall out of the sky?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

Why did the Boeing 747 crash into an orphanage?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

What do you put in a toaster?

I usually put bread in a toaster.

What do you call a loaf of bread when you cut off both ends?

A: Endless Bread!

What do giants and strippers have in common?

They both grind on bones to make their bread.

Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of Pasta?

Because "made of bread" was already taken by Jesus.

What do you call bread from heaven?

100% holy grain

How do you start a rave in Uganda?

Tape a slice of bread to the ceiling

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

What's the fastest form of bread?

Scone.

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon?

Sow-r dough bread.

What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess?

It's stale, mate."

What did one piece of bread say to the sad piece of bread?

Its going to be all rye.

Why did the baker bake more bread?

A: He kneaded the dough.

Why do cows from the south make the best sandwiches?

Because they are in bread.

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

How did the french guy feel when he got hit by a piece of bread?

He felt pain.

What's the craziest type of bread?

Banana Nut Bread!

What do you call a puppy combined with bread?

Well, It's not a purebread anymore.

Why were the sandwich fillers eyes too close together?

Because he was in-bread.

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What's a redneck's favorite kind of bread?

Inbred.

What do you call it when a German hits you with a loaf of bread?

Gluten Tag And when a hippie hits you with a loaf of bread Flour power And when a lot of people do it at the same time a rye-ot

What is it called when there is bread all over the place?

An abundance

What do you call a loaf baked in a zoo?

Bread in captivity.

Why do sandwiches never have kids?

Because they always turn out in-bread.

What do you call a slice of bread from another country?

An immigraint.

What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?

I'M BREADY TO DIE"

What did the toaster say to the bread?

I want you inside me.

What's baked everyday and sells itself?

bread

What do get when you mix two breads?

A hy-bread

What do you call bread baked in the south?

inbred

Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread?

It was a crusty steed!

How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

When is a bread not kneaded?

When it's unnecessary

Why did the pilot crash the plane?

Because he was a slice of bread

What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in?

A high rise

What do you call jokes about bread?

buns

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How are crayons like people?

The white ones are usually pretty pointless

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

Flour Jokes More Flour Jokes

Why did Kanye blow up the bakery?

Because no one man should have all that flour.

What kind of flour is independent?

Self-Raising flour.. I'll get my coat.

Ceiling Jokes More Ceiling Jokes

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

Oven Jokes More Oven Jokes

Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven?

They were too GUI.

What did the baker say to the dough before he put it in the oven?

You are no longer kneaded."

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why did the thalidomide man get stopped going through customs?

He was caught in the possession of small arms

How do you catch a dyslexic fish?

Ya get it Hooked on Phonics!

Hippie Jokes More Hippie Jokes

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out, man.

Costume Jokes More Costume Jokes

What did the SI7 Agent say to a piece of bread in a costume?

Heh, disguised toast.

What's your costume?

Me: I'm dressed as "A total disappointment" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah.

Gluten Tag Jokes More Gluten Tag Jokes

How do German bread greet each other?

Gluten tag!

What did the German Kaiser roll say to the French baguette?

Gluten tag*