Stop Jokes

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

When does a joke stop being funny?

When you repost it.

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?

To stop getting wet !

What did the Hebrew's call it when they stopped receiving mana every morning?

mana-pause

How do you stop joint pain?

Turn it around.

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Why were the camels wearing sandals?

To stop themselves sinking into the sand. Why did the ostrich stick its head in the sand To look at the camels who forgot to put their sandals on.

What stopped the beaver's crime spree?

The damming evidence

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?

Stop going in circles and get to the point.

Who's there ! Billy Bragg ! Billy Bragg who ?

Billy Braggs too much tell him to stop it !

When do ghosts have to stop scaring people?

When they lose their haunting licenses.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the keyboard say to the mouse?

stop with the cheesey jokes!

When does feminism stop?

When the car breaks down.

Why did the referees stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face-off in the corner.

What do you call a cow that stopped producing milk?

An udder failure.

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

Why couldn't the duck stop smoking?

Because he was a quack addict

Why did the monster stop playing with his brother?

He got tired of kicking him around.

What does a 14 year-old Native American girl say when she loses her virginity?

Stop Dad, you're crushing me smokes!

Why did they stop serving beer at Miami Marlins games?

They didn't have enough pitchers.

How do you stop the Polish army on horseback?

Unplug the merry-go-round.

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

Why did people stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?

Banta: Because people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes..

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

How many times I have to tell you to stop making such a mess?

Go to your room.."

Which end of a bus is it best to get off?

It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.

Who do you save?

America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

Why did the tricycle stop working?

Because it was two tired...

How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you?

Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you

How do you stop an Albanian tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?

I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

One knows the stops the other stops the nose.

How do you know when a liberal is really dead?

A: His heart stops bleeding.

Where does a cow stop to drink?

The milky way!

Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain?

eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging.

Why couldn't the dimwit read more than one sentence?

There was a full stop

What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flys by when you dont?

There are two answere: Time and Boo (from Mario games). Just made this joke up what do you guys think

What can I do to stop my addiction?

She said, "Whatever means necessary." "No it doesn't," I said.

How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun?

Shoot the people pushing it.

What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans?

Eventually the baby stops crying

How do you stop a dog smelling ?

Put a peg on it's nose !

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging ?

Take away it's credit cards !

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

How is Bill Cosby like an environment at 0 Kelvin?

When around both, one eventually stops moving. Forgive me.

How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.

Why did the integer stop multiplying with other integers of equal value?

He was Squared Straight.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

They never stop to ask directions.

How do you stop hearing jokes written for 12 year olds?

Unsubscribe from r/jokes!

What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus?

He waits for it at the next stop.

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?

Take his spade away.

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you tell a girl who won't stop asking for a tampon?

Put a sock in it.

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?

Hide their trainers.

How do you stop a monster from smelling?

Cut off his nose.

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

What do you do when you see a black man lying on the floor?

You stop laughing and shoot him again.

What do you do when you see a half dead native man crawling across your lawn?

Stop laughing and reload

What happened to all the Paul Walker jokes?

It seems like they started going pretty fast, then just...stopped.

What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ?

He cut all his fingers off !

What's another name for an parent?

Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.

Why stop with two L's Lloyd?

why

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

When did you first miss it dear?

Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

Why did they have to stop playing water-polo in Poland?

All the horses drowned

How do cheese strings work?

I started to laugh, but then I stopped. How do cheese strings work

What did the spaghetti say to the postmodernist ravioli?

Stop being such an intellectual im-pasta.

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?

A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?

Gnome : Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?

Michael

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

Why did the mummy stop using the Internet?

He was getting far too wrapped up in it.

Why did the masochist STOP hitting himself on the head with a hammer ?

Because it hurt.

How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

What happened to the NSFW warning on r/Jokes?

It stopped working like all those who got caught on reddit at work.

This joke may have profanity.

Which Elizabethan sailor could stop bikes ?

Sir Francis Brake !

When do e-mails stop being in black and white?

When they are read.

What did the priest have to say?

He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."

How did LaKeisha's Mom finally stop her from bouncing on the trampoline in the rec room?

She put a piece of velcro on the ceiling.

You might also enjoy:

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why did the minus sign run for office?

To make a difference.

What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

What do a Yugo and a bath have in common?

You can't step out of them in public.

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath?

Throw in your washing.

Pupil Jokes More Pupil Jokes

How much is half of 8?

Pupil: Up and down or across Teacher: What do you mean Pupil: Well up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Why did the cyclops quit his job as a teacher?

He only had one pupil.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a "narrative" and a "circle jerk"?

How you spell them.

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Knife Jokes More Knife Jokes

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me !

What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly?

Knives

Laugh Matter Jokes More Laugh Matter Jokes

Why are atoms so serious?

Because they're no laughing matter.

Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?

I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.

Boy Jokes More Boy Jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

I don't know. He still hasn't opened his gifts.

What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why Won't Anyone Tell me the Name of Ukraine's 5th Largest City?

They keep telling me to stop asking...

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!