People Jokes

Where do people have the curliest and blackest hair?

In Africa.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why pink camo?

Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol

Why do people make offensive jokes about inbreeding?

It's retarded.

What are the people from the country Lesbia called?

Lesbians

Which two regions have the most people named John?

SEA / NA

How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff?

Straight jack it.

What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

What's next - people marrying dogs?

nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend

What do cats and people that submit jokes with the punchline "PLAGIARISM" have in common?

THEY BOTH LICK THEIR PAWS!

What do people do in Greece?

Slip and slide around.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

What are the advanteges of a long distance relationship?

All four people are happy.

Why do people carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas cant walk.

Why does repost always get to the top?

Most people reddit before

Why aren't there any B batteries?

Because people might think you have a stutter.

Why do some people think Python scripting is offensive?

Because white space matters. hehee

Why did the cannibal live on his own?

He was fed up with other people.

Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

What's with these people who take a sip of their coffee as soon as they get it?

Who are these iron-mouthed warriors

Why do people wear sleeveless shirts?

They like to express the right to bear arms.

Which his guide had proposed to climb. - Do people tumble down often here?

No, the guide said, one time is usually enough.

What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly?

A herrocopter

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

Why are the people of Saudi Arabia always behind the times?

Because they live under Iraq.

Why do the proms stop after high school?

Just because I'm an adult now doesn't mean I don't still need to grind on people to Lil' Jon songs.

Why do prescription pills always say "by mouth?

Where else would people put th... Ooooooh.

Why do people live soda?

Because it's sodalicious.

How do you write an essay that blows people away?

With lots of drafts

Why do people tip cows?

Their service isn't even that good.

What did the people say about the eccentric poo?

It was a little nutty.

What do people with two left feet wear?

Flip flips

What the heck?

Who are those people up there "

When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ?

The latter represents people that win.

What do you call a group of people standing in the arctic circle?

A Finnish line.

What kind of people like Scottie's hair?

Chubby 7th grade girls!

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

What's the best thing about dark humor?

People don't take it lightly.

How do people look at the internet?

Me: How Him: With their google-y eyes

What do people say when Batman skips Church?

Christian Bale

What do you call a group of people from Idaho?

Deydahoes.

What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?

The WURST!

What do some people have against cheeseburgers?

They say 'Burgers can't be cheesy!'

What really makes Whinny the Pooh angry?

When other people put two fingers in his honey.

How do depressed people play the violin?

With a razor and their wrist.

Why the headlight?

Are people vacuuming in the dark or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen

Why is mild cheddar even a thing?

Who are these people who can't handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market

Why do they put fences around cemeteries?

People are dying to get in.

What's the most annoying thing on /r/jokes?

People who post the joke intro twice.

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

for 2 weeks.

Why was the clown kicked out of the maths lesson?

Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!

What is the preferred drink for people in St. Cloud?

Mini Soda

Why are emo people so good at ping-pong?

Because they are well practiced in cutting.

Why are people still using a dictionary?

I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

Why do people paint eggs for Easter?

Bunnies squirm too much.

Why do people starve?

When food tastes so good.

What is the shortest, very funny joke you know?

ITT: comments about my dink, and people who can't search

What do people who don't like the slippery slope argument call it?

The slippery slope fallacy

What kind of shampoo do people with Down Syndrome use?

Tresemme 21

What has an N, an I, two G's, an E, and an R and can be used to describe people of a certain color?

GINGER.

What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons?

Imagine all the people..

What is the difference between God and my love life?

Some people think God is real.

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

What do you call people waiting in line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.

What do you call people migrating to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners.

Why do some people love their VW diesel cars?

Well, it's the official car of the New England Patriots after all.

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

Why are Astronauts seen as condescending?

Because all they do is look down at people.

Why did Microsoft name their new web browser "Edge"?

Because people familiar with the U2 guitarist of the same name are already used to long delays.

What do "white privilege" and "severely mentally handicapped" have in common?

Both terms are almost universally misunderstood by the people to whom they apply.

What do you do to relax?

I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know.

Why do people want attention of 1000 pies?

because it's their sen-pais

When people say "May I ask who's calling?

I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

Why are you letting people touch your new born?

I don't let people touch my new iPhone

What is the strongest animal?

A racehorse because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!

What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid?

Nike. Their motto says just "Just do it".

How can you always be such a happy person?

I never argue with people. - That's impossible! - You're right! That's impossible.

What did you like best about your last job?

Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."

What do most people do when they see a python ?

They re-coil !

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Why do feminists hate Medusa?

She's always objectifying people.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do people at the Genius Bar drink from?

Einsteins

Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own'.

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

Why don't blind people like to skydive?

Because it scares the dog.

What do you call the people who make sandwiches at Subway?

Sub humans.

Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique?

It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

Why do people dislike going to the dentist?

Because he is boring.

What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj?

A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P

What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?

Eschew! Eschew!

How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?

deleted

Why do people in wheelchairs wear shoes?

Do they think they're gonna magically start walking

Why were some people living in the 80s so healthy?

Because they had good high jeans

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Engineering Jokes More Engineering Jokes

Why do people studying engineering get to already call themselves engineers?

It is not like that anywhere else. It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.

What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering?

A Boa Constructor

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between KFC and /R/Jokes?

What you get served at KFC is original.

What is the difference between Detroit and Cleveland?

5 years.

Dubai Jokes More Dubai Jokes

Why doesn't Dubai screen 'The Flintstones'?

Because Abu Dhabi doooo.

What is the only difference between this year and last year?

A building in Dubai.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What do you call it when three french cats get into a boat only meant for two?

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq!

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Bono fall off the stage?

Because he was too close to The Edge.

When a boy falls, what does he fall against?

His will

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why did the black man walk into a bar?

Because the cell door was still locked.

Who walks in after him?

Colin Thecond

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What is the magic word?

son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case

What is the difference between wealth and poverty?

And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in?

Their flags are big plusses.

Why were some people living in the 80s so healthy?

Because they had good high jeans