Chinese Jokes

Why are there no casinos in China?

Because the Chinese don't like Tibet...

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Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

Lo mein.

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

What do you call a Chinese guy when he's laughing?

Lmao

What do a Chinese tourist who got run over by a bus and a lobster have in common?

They're both crushed-asians

Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

Because it's too much wok! Sorry, I just made that up!

Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

To get laid.

What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry?

STUPID AMERICAN!

What do you call a Chinese lady with one leg?

Irene.

What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright?

Dim Sum.

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What do you call Chinese woman with one leg?

Irene.

Why do black people take such good care of a Chinese baby?

Because black people make "Wong" decisions!

What did the chinese billionaire say after buying the deer with no eyes?

I have no Idea.

Why can't two Chinese people make a white baby?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

What do you call it when all the Chinese places in town start to close?

Wonton endangerment.

What's a Chinese chicken's favorite vegetable?

Buock choi

Why is it never a good idea to use a Chinese phone book?

There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might wing a wong number.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the B shu!

What did the chinese guy tell the police when he was caught?

You got the Wong guy.

What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

A clothes hanger.

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

What do you call a kid who's dad is Jamaican and mom is Chinese?

Rastafriedrice

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene.

What do you call a rich Chinese person ?

cha ching

Why did the Chinese almost lose in Mulan?

They had way to many chinks in their armor.

What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

What do you call a Chinese man with a pet cat?

A vegetarian.

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

What do you call a Chinese man with one foot?

Taiwon Shou.

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat?

A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

What did the chinese pirate say?

Awwlllll!

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What did the Vietnamese architect say to the Chinese post man?

What did the Vietnamese architect say to the Chinese post man? CHING CHONG

What did the Chinese man say when Winter came around?

Reddit snow, reddit snow, reddit snow!

What do you call a chinese woman with a food processor on her head?

Brenda.

Why did the pregnant Chinese chicken cross the road?

Because ah, the egg roll.

Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

What sound does a Chinese roller coaster make as it goes up an incline?

chink chink chink chink

What do you call a prematurely born Chinese baby?

Sudden Lee

How do the Chinese select their baby names?

They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang

What are you up to?

Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.

What is a chinese pirate an expert at?

Flying a plane.

What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt?

Con-grab-ur-asians!!

What do you call a Chinese man with a video camera?

Phil Ming

What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat?

http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/whatdidthedrunkenirishmansaytothechinese/

What do you call a Chinese fanatasy series?

Lord Of The Chinks

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

How Long can a Chinese name be?

Yoda

Where do the Chinese study?

In the Pupils republic of China

Why Chinese vet never hungry?

Dog have rice.

Why did the communist Chinese government outlaw Viagra?

They didn't want the people to have free elections.

This joke may have profanity.

What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

Why the chicken cross the road .... to get the Chinese newspaper. Do you get it?

Neither do I, I get the new york times

Why is Chinese the best language?

It has the most character.

How many Chinese people does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but he has to manufacture it first.

What's a Chinese dentist's favorite time?

Tooth Hurty

What do you call a pre-maturely born Chinese boy?

Sudden Lee

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

How much does a Chinese elephant weigh?

Wonton

How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

What's a Cholo's favorite Chinese food dish?

Chicken chow meng.

Why can't a Chinese couple get a white baby?

Because two wongs don't make a white

What does a Chinese cow say?

Governess(https://translate.google.com/m/translate#en/zh-CN/Governess)

What's a chinese chef's favorite song?

I believe I can fry.

What's Chinese and climbs the Empire State Building?

Ping Pong

Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?

Because they ror.

What do you call a chinese food truck?

A Wok in the Park

What do you call a chinese crab who just got dumped?

A frustacean

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

What do you call a foreigner who is obsessed with Chinese culture?

A zhuologist

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?

Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg shorter than the other?

Li Ning

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone

How do you tell apart a Chinese from a Japanese?

With a Geiger Counter.

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

What do you call Chinese soup made by a Mexican?

Juan-ton soup

What do you call a confused Chinese guy?

Wong Wei

What do the Chinese call their spies?

Secret Asians.

What is both a short shopping list, and a potential Chinese luxury automobile?

Rolls * Rice

Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs?

He was shot in the face.

What did the Chinese fisherman say to his at-risk son?

Stay on the junk, and you'll go far.

What's the difference between the Chinese and Germans?

The Chinese rike and the Germans Reich.

What's the heaviest Chinese food?

wonton :3

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

What do you call a robbery in China ?

A Chinese take away !

Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?

A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.

What do you call a noisy Chinese dog?

How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)

What sound does a Chinese cat make?

Mao

What do you call a Chinese lady with no legs?

Dragon lips. And a Mexican lady with no legs Consuelo.

What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery?

Honey, why the wrong face

Why should you never drink German beer with Chinese food?

An hour later you're hungry for power.

How do Chinese parents pick a name for their child?

Throw an aluminum pan down the stairs.

How did the Chinese atheist get to heaven?

Jesus said to him "Behold! I am risen!" and he said "That's nice I don't bereave you."

What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl?

5 minutes

What is goingon?

Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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German Jokes More German Jokes

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They are very efficient and don't have much of a sense of humor.

What do you call a German who cringes a lot?

Vince

Syndrome Jokes More Syndrome Jokes

What is harder than telling the difference between Chinese people?

Telling the difference between Chinese people with down syndrome.

What do you call someone with down syndrome who is very depressed?

Down

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Why don't we run through the parking lot?

me laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me Because it's dangerous

What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What would be Jeopardy?

If this popular game show told a joke, it would put the punchline first.

How can you tell ignorance from indifference?

I don't know and I don't care.

Font Jokes More Font Jokes

What font does a beef noodle stall use?

Times Niurou Mian (Niurou Mian = beef noodles in Chinese)

What font is alphabet soup produced in?

Times New Ramen

Chinese Man Jokes More Chinese Man Jokes

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

How Long is a Chinese man?

Its his name.

Band Jokes More Band Jokes

Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset?

Because you didn't ask him what band he's in.

What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

Super Barrio Mothers

Lobster Jokes More Lobster Jokes

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster "