Marshmallows
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Coffee Mug
The Asian try to get the A, but the white girl try to get the D
A sigh is oh dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you dear.
One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen
The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!
A-tyre
A: The color.
A wet nose.
One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.
One is against the law and the other is sick bird.
Couple's Daily Question Mug
When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.
A: The car salesman can probably drive!
A: A fence.
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
I don't know, I just fly the drone
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.
One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard.
One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. The pessimist sees nothing. And the realist sees the train.
The good joke doesn't get a black eye when you tell it a second time.
About 3 IQ points
I dunno, i just click submit
I've never been in a submarine.
One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..
Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "
Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!
A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose.
A mining company puts miners in shafts.
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
A Floppy Drive can only take 3.5" Inches.
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window. Too soon
Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!
You can tuna piano but you cannot piano a tuna.
You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)
One has hope in their soul, the other has soap in their hole
For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".
Batman isn't wearing hockey pads.
I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.
I keep one in my garage and one in my closet. Edit:typo.
Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.
Bricks get laid.
I don't know man, I just fly the drones.
Ask them to say the word, "unionized".
You have a shot with a pool table.
A pineapples pricks are on the outside.
One's constantly preparing for lunch.
A tire.
Radioactive elements last longer.
Sometimes I get the punchline :(
You can't hear a pheromone.
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
One of them has papers.
The gerbils are a bunch of cunning runts.
About 3000 miles !
One requires a tweetment and the other need an oinkment.
I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS
I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..." "..and Derek has a moustache"
One is Redbox, the others are Bedrocks.
I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.
You can spill your beer on a fiddle.
Some people actually believe santa exist.
I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.
At a religious revival, they say "STAND UP FOR JESUS" At a bikers rally, they say "SIT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE"
An etymologist knows.
The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!
One steals from the people the other peals from the steeple.
The letter F.
My neighbour isn't unknowingly raising two of my goats.
A: The blonde works in the dark!
You don't have to hug a washing machine half an hour after it finishes
One's an object that's easily abused, the other's a drug.
One leg's both the same.
The communist wants equality
payday vs prayday.
I need to know before my court date on Monday.
One says, 'Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!' The other says 'Hey! MacLeod! Get off of my ewe.'
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!
You can make a pet out of a snake !
This isn't a good joke.
Try picking them up !
Attire.
Some day, Pinocchio's going to be a real boy.
On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.
H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside.
ANSWER: The hunter has to wait until it's in season!
Britney asked to be hit one more time..
I don't have a Camaro....
Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.
Bing sings and Walt Disney.
The posters
Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years
One of them got shot for touching a kid.
One of them doesn't.
A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball... Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...
The pack of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts.
Batman can go into a convenience store without Robin.
Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
He found a lump on his testicle.
Any way you like, they have to forgive you!
A Catholic will say hello when he sees you in the liquor store.
Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.
One more.
You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.
That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.
A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.
Because they cantaloupe!
Cher !
Their miscarriage
Because it was framed
He couldn't pay for Baal
