Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a group of snowboarders and lifties (lift attendants)?

The lift attendants have jobs.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between tuna, a piano, and a pot of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper ?

You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant !

What is the difference between a brick and a blonde?

If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.

What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron?

A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance

What is the difference between a black man and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a child.

What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?

A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

What's the difference between feminists and a pencil?

A pencil has a point.

What's the difference between a tumblrite and a coprolite?

Their age.

What's the difference between a gnome and an elf?

Gnomenclature.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)

This joke may have profanity.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a bath?

The nun has hope in her soul, and the woman has soap in her hole. EDIT: NSFW

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

How can U make a difference?

Good Mourning! *(this pun is baaad and I feel terrible about it)*

What is the difference between a podiatrist and Ginger Baker?

A podiatrist bucks up your feet.

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

What's the difference between a police baton and a magic wand?

Ones used for cunning stunts.

What's the difference between a bug and an insect?

Judging by Table 5's reactions, not a lot.

What's the difference between a chicken and a hen?

The spelling.

What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.

What is the difference between a Siberian husky and an Alaskan husky?

About 1500 miles.

What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?

Have you ever tried worm pie !

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

What's the difference between a 2016 Reddit post and a 2006 Reddit post?

Removed

What is the difference between memory and ram?

I can't memory my weiner in your mouth.

What is the difference between a vacuum and a snowboarder?

How you strap on the dirtbag.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?

A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

Whats the difference between children and lesbians?

Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between a Mexican joke and a black joke?

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal

What's the difference between a twitcher and a stutterer?

One's a bird watcher and the other's a word botcher!

What's the difference between oooo and aaaa?

about 3 inches

Whats the difference between a midget and a bigot?

One is small and the Other is small minded!

What the difference between a black guy and a donut?

One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

What's the difference between a group of midget engineers and a women's track team?

One is a group of cunning runts...

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?

The umbrella can be shut up.

What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?

A triangle has three points

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu?

One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!

Whats the difference between New York and Middle Earth?

Two towers.

What's the difference between a star and America?

The star has a bright future.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

What's the difference between Sesame Street and Leonardo DiCaprio?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

What is the difference between batman and a black guy?

Batman can walk into a store without Robin

What's the difference between a contradiction and a punchline?

There's no punchline for this joke.

What's the difference between sheep and women?

The Welsh don't know yet either.

What's the difference between the US and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ?

Have you ever tried to peel an elephant

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.

Whats the difference between a chicken and an alligator?

I don't know.

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.

What's the difference between my daughter and my wife?

I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?

whisper I don't have a Ferrari.

What's the difference between a pest and vermin?

Walt Disney.

What's the difference between a car salesman and a technology salesman?

The car salesman knows he is lying.

What is the difference between God and my love life?

Some people think God is real.

What is the difference between two towers?

A plane

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

What's the difference between an Alto and a Tenor?

The Tenor doesn't have hair on his back.

What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash?

Whites occasionally get inside a colored wash.

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies?

One's inbred, the others in bread

What's the difference between God and an electrician?

A: God doesn't think **he's** an electrician.

What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.

What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson?

One was shot for playing with little children.

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window

What difference does an "A" make?

Between NASA and NSA--it's astronomical.

What's the difference between a group of crafty midgets and a jogging club comprised exclusively of women?

The former is a band of cunning runts...

What's the difference between frat guys and dogs?

A dog has a better understanding of no.

What's the difference between Cheryl Crawford and dead embryos?

Dead embryos don't tell on their mothers ...

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What's the difference between a "narrative" and a "circle jerk"?

How you spell them.

What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist?

One is a nerdy digger.

What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls?

Parker gets paid for his selfies.

What is the difference between a rental car and a Humvee?

You can take a rental car anywhere.

What is the difference between a Black Guy and an elevator ?

One can raise a child

What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has control over his country.

What's the difference between you and I?

About 12 letters

What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus?

The Logo.

What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?

My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*

What is the difference between Ironman and Iron woman?

One is a super hero and the other is a command. *I'll show myself out...*

What's the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time!

What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?

An Atari 2600 has more game. :)

What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?

She delivers.

What is the difference between an elevator and black people?

And elevator can raise kids

What's the difference between sin and shame?

It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."

What's the difference between a burger and a burglar?

Cooking times.

What's the difference between a regular product and a fancy one?

The regular one says "Made in China". The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."

What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?

E.T. learned English and went home.

What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?

Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker.

What's the difference between batman and Blackman?

Batman can go to the store without robin Edit: glad you'll liked it :-)

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Recognise Jokes More Recognise Jokes

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different

Video Jokes More Video Jokes

What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

Weasel Jokes More Weasel Jokes

What about the weasel?

That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win.

What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

Stoat Jokes More Stoat Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One is weasely identifiable while the other is stoatally different.

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch?

They don't want to have to retrain them.

What do you call a Canadian that's been run through a blender?

Pure-eh

Price Jokes More Price Jokes

Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?

They only work 10% of the time.

Why don't many customers go to the tea house?

Because the prices are so steep

Acknowledge Jokes More Acknowledge Jokes

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Catholic?

Catholics acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle. Extra: What's the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics just acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle, Lutherans have a 15 minute conversation about booze.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

my girlfriend who's a high school teacher heard this from a student the other day) Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs? A: Lean Beef Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs? A: Your mom

How do you know if your girlfriend is ticklish?

You give her a test-tickle.