Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

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What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil ?

One rarely bites and the other barely writes !

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Ferrari?

The pricks are on the outside of a hedgehog.

What the difference between a police car and a porcupine?

With a police car, the pricks are on the inside

What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

One always offer a snack bar after saying hello

What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?

A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.

What's the difference between garbanzo beans and chickpeas?

I've never paid $200 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb!

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*"

What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl?

Four drinks.

What's the difference between CrossFit and a cult?

A torn ACL

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What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?

You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

What's the difference between the Devil and Ted Cruz?

The Devil has standards.

What's the difference between reddit and resturant ?

Restaurants have better servers.

What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)?

one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P

What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry ?

A gooseberry is green !

What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98?

A: 3 years

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

You cannot milk a goat for 13 years

What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day?

Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day.

What's the difference between Brazil and Oscar Pistorious?

Oscar Pistorious has a better defence and more shots on Target

What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield?

You can actually get through the minefield alive.

What's the difference between a group of baboons and our political system?

I don't know.

What's the difference... between a gazpacho bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a gazpacho bean on my face.

What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?

A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."

What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel?

So you're the one!

What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby?

The dead baby can feed a family of four.

What is the difference between a dancer and a duck?

One goes quick on her beautiful legs the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing.

What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD?

One is a cunning runt.

What's the difference between a business meeting and a battle ground?

Deadpeople

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else?

In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.

What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore?

One is your mom the other one gets paid more.

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a - computer?

A: A 90s woman won't accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent?

While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

What's the difference between a bumble bee and someone with allergies?

One is a pollinator. The other is a pollen-hater.

What's the difference between Beernuts and Deernuts?

Beernuts are $8.95 and Deernuts are under a buck!

What's the difference between... What's the difference between a women's track team and a pack of intelligent pygmies?

The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...

What's the difference between a feminist and a bomb vest?

The bomb vest actually does something when triggered.

What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?

A: One is loud obnoxious and noisy the other is a bird.

What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.

What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?

Blowing Swallowing Gargeling

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

One was fired, the other was terminated

What's the difference between a banana and a bann?

A bann grows on vines. I'll show myself out........

What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

What is the difference between a feminist and a walrus?

A walrus has at least two valid points.

What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor?

The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT)

What's the difference between 8:45 am and 10:45 am?

Around 3000 people

What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music?

One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs.

What's the difference between a joke and a pretty girl?

sometimes i get the joke.

What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones?

Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much.

What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?

In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.

What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

What's the difference between a feminist and incense sticks?

Incense sticks make scents.

What's the difference between me and my new couch?

The couch pulls out...

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!

What's the difference between a gorrila pit and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?

One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.

What's the difference between the average person and a feminist?

About 200 pounds.

What is the difference between reindeer and caribou?

Reindeer are the ones that fly.

What's the difference between god and pilots?

God doesn't think he's a pilot.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through one of his skits without laughing

What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.

What's the difference between Wendy's and Windows?

Wendy's is never frozen.

What's the difference between america and a yoghurt?

A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years.

What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train the other trains the mind.

Whats the difference between Facebook and Reddit?

About two hours.

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What is the difference between Scotland and a pregnant woman?

A pregnant woman is in Labour

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

What's the difference between Santa and a pimp ?

Santa has just 3 Ho's...

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.

What's the difference between a microwave and a Muslim?

A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

What's the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

Answer: There's always a 50/50 chance the blender isn't on

What's the difference between a corn shucker with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhea?

The corn shucker shucks between fits...

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a German and a Scot?

The German knows when he's not speaking English.

What's the difference between a clever midget and my ex-girlfriend, the trackstar?

One's a cunning runt... and I forget the rest, but your mother is a whore.

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between in-law and vultures?

Vultures attack first, when you are dead.

What's the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball?

A baseball is thrown to the air.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

What's the difference between a baptist and a Presbyterian?

A Presbyterian is a Baptist who can read

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Lutheran Jokes More Lutheran Jokes

How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Lutherans don't change.

How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb None, Lutherans don't change.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Watermelon Jokes More Watermelon Jokes

What do you call a melon that's had a bit too much to drink?

A Watermelon...

What do you call a watermelon in California?

A melon

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.

How do you stop your dog digging holes in your garden?

By hiding the shovel in the shed/garage

Recognise Jokes More Recognise Jokes

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different

15 Minute Jokes More 15 Minute Jokes

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

Major Difference Jokes More Major Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ?

A major difference.

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

Canoe Jokes More Canoe Jokes

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders.

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.