You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Coffee Mug
Nothing. They both look good hanging from trees.
The cauc.
On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
I don't have Lamborghini in my garrage
One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.
Toast is brown on both sides.
One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.
d(sun)/dt *facepalm* I'll see myself out.
Couple's Daily Question Mug
A bomb vest does something when triggered.
At least one group can grow a beard.
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
About three inches
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes.
God doesn't think he's a police officer.
A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!
The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"
A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.
A difference of a pinion!
You should know, you've only read it twenty times.
a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy
Niagara Falls, Viagra rises.
I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini.
It's a matter of a pinion(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pinion).
One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister.
One empties your pocket. The other makes Hot Pockets.
I dunno, I just repost them.
The baseball player has all of its limbs.
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
About three inches.
3 hours, but it takes 1 day for it to get to Hot
The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.
Skin color.
A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P
A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money
The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.
A elevator can raise a kid
art
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.
One does their chores while complaining, the other doesn't do them at all.
I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere.
Landscaping is an outside job.
A boat.
One had to P.
South Korean BBQ has more Seoul
A: One's a phony buck.
My Grandma can unlock an iphone.
Well, the Pygmy is a cunning runt...
Pokeballs
A cactus has the prick on the outside.
Q: What's the difference between democracy and feudalism A: In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your Count votes.
A fortress has breastworks.
God doesn't think he's a Welder.
There's a vas deferens.
thick Italian accent* "She don't even touch it."
The fish doesn't know it's plaice.
Protestants have sects.
What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!
The taste.
My husband doesn't go to the circus
An egg can stay in the cup longer
Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.
Attire.
One gets their miners stuck in a shaft, and the other gets his shaft stuck in a minor.
Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.
The Chinese rike and the Germans Reich.
The bucket
I didn't cottage in my pants
15 years.
The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.
The rooster's primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul.
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Santa stops at three hoes.
Time
One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back.
The bag of rice can feed a family of four.
Which hole they stick their finger in when no-one's looking.
God doesn't think that He's Kanye.
Nothing, The hits keep coming
Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four
Drones can't tell either
A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.
Your mom can't take a joke.
The egg actually gets laid!
One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.
A: One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
None, the two are not a snake
Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."
1 figure, literally and figuratively.
Prison
If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will finally develop its own cultures
People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones But people in Abu Dhabi Do!!
Anyone can mash potatoes
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!
Ask Hugh Hefner.
you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to, but i certainly didn't steal it.
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
None. The change, if needed, will come from within.
Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)
Neither of them practice.
CHANGE !
You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.
The Cowboys' endzone because no one goes there
Finding 1 dead Baby in 100 trash bins.
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage I do realize this is a sick joke but it still makes me laugh when I hear it. I'm a horrible person
Because they don't do Windows
Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
Mine is morning.
You get mourning wood.
