Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Isis hostages and Isis terrorists?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drones...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What's the difference between starlings and swallows?

Your mum doesn't starlings.

What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?

A: Half a measure.

What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman?

Pls help.

What's the difference between a cheeesburger and Reddit gold?

A cheeseburger can't feed your ego.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a used tampon?

What's the Difference between a tea bag and a used tampon - I dunno... - I'm never drinking tea at your house again then!

What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?

300 degrees in the oven.

What's the difference between reddit gold and the Greek drachma?

People usually thank you for giving them reddit gold.

What is the difference between ice and dry ice ?

Dry ice lacks of water.

What is the difference between the abominable snowman and the abominable snowwoman ?

Two abominable snowballs

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

What's the difference between a bluebird and a elephant?

They both have wings, except for the elephant.

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad

What's the difference between wife and a blue whale?

About 10 pounds.

What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?

You can't mash Frankenstein.

What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.

What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome?

If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off.

What's the difference between a girl's track team and a pygmy tribe?

One is a bunch of cunning runts.

What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.

What's the difference between an airplane and an abortion?

Only one doesn't fly after coming into contact with a hanger

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between Joan Crawford and an abortion doctor ?

When Joan used a coat-hanger on Cheryl, she was already out of the womb.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.

What is the difference between a diameter and a radius?

A radius

What is the difference between cancer and a Brazilian?

Cancer evolves, a Brazilian doesn't.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What's the difference between a gun and a radical feminist?

A gun only has one trigger.

What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.

What's the difference between healthcare.gov and Derrick Rose?

Healthcare.gov was broken and now it works.

What's the difference between like, love and lust?

Spit Swallow Gargle

What's the difference between Oscar the grouch and a grouch at the Oscars?

Ones green and the other is black

What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil?

I've never paid to have a lentil on me!

What's the difference between Anders Breivik and a pro golfer?

Both were happy to shoot 69, but only Breivik went to jail.

What's the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?

A pot of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.

What's the difference between a walrus and a lesbian?

One smells like fish and has a mustache, and the other is a walrus.

What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts?

Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between "choice" and "choose?

Choice" is your ability to make decisions, "choose" are what Mexicans put on their feet.

What's the difference between a black person and a monkey?

Nothing

What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

What is the difference b/w secretary &amp private secretary?

Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR &amp Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!

What's the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath?

You can't ride your bike on a sociopath

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

What's the difference between Hillary and a piece of fruit?

deleted

What's the difference between Tigger and Pooh?

I've never smeared tigger on my face

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

You only have to punch information into a computer once.

What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: 6 inches is medium 8 inches is rare.

What's The Difference Between Larry Hogan And An Iraqi Child?

Larry Hogan gets back from the hospital.

What's the difference between us and the dinosaurs?

We don't need an asteroid...

What's the difference between Elliot Rodger and an egg?

An egg gets laid before it cracks.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a women's track team and a tribe of pygmys?

One is a cunning bunch of runts...

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ?

His portrait only need one nail

What's the difference between a podiatrist and a drummer?

The podiatrist bucks up your feet.

What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policeman's baton?

A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns.

What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

A: About 10 pounds.

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

What is the difference between a parrot saying "E equals M C squared" and most people saying it?

Nothing.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest... ... and an e-cigarette-puffing GI Joe Action Figure collector?

Well, one is a toy-loving vapist...

What's the difference between the Friendzone and the Endzone?

Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.

What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen?

Charlie Sheen's winning.

What the difference between a pancake?

It tastes better with jam.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.

What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards?

Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents.

What's the difference between politics and professional wrestling?

In professional wrestling they know what they are doing.

What's the difference between a Walnut and a Chickpea?

I've never had a Walnut on my chest..

What's the difference between mad cow disease and PMS?

Nothing.

What's the difference between George Washington and Nicki Minaj?

Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)

What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady?

Darth Vader probably gets high fived

What's the difference between a preschool and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me...I just fly the drones!

What's the difference between batman and a black person?

Batman can go to the store without robin'

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

What's the difference between math and meth?

One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth.

What's the difference between golf and Lady Godiva?

One is a hunt on a course.

What's the difference between a baby and a submarine?

I've never been in a submarine.

What's the difference between yogurt and white people?

If left out for 4,000 years, yogurt will develop culture.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a Skoda?

Paul Walker wouldn't be seen dead in a Skoda.

What's the difference between a Malaysia Airline flight and Internet Explorer?

None. Eventually, both of them are gonna crash.

What's the difference between novocaine and an index finger?

One's a digit divisible by two, the other is a prime number.

What's the difference between a retard and a baby?

The baby has a soul.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie?

Disney movies can still touch little kids.

What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and his E-Wheelchair?

If you repair both, the E-Wheelchair is the only thing running again

What's the difference between a baloon and a condom?

When a balloon pops - there's one less. When a condom pops - there's one more. Or more.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between Ray Rice's wife and a fish?

A fish can take a left hook.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a beaver and a deer?

The deer has a bigger beaver

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between Reddit and children's television?

Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a bath?

The nun has hope in her soul, and the woman has soap in her hole. EDIT: NSFW

This joke may have profanity.

You might also enjoy:

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why did Yoda never get married?

Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife " His response was "Do I "

What are the similarities between feminists and hobos?

They both ask for change and never get any.

Diaper Jokes More Diaper Jokes

What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

Why did the baby squirrel wear a diaper?

To hide his nuts!!

Who is the hardest person to find in hide and seek?

Daniel Morcombe

Maid Jokes More Maid Jokes

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?

Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

What do you call a cheap maid uniform?

Maid in China.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many drums does it take to make a good ska band?

Nobody knows.

What's a orphans first words?

I don't know. But it sure as hell isn't mommy or daddy.

Recognise Jokes More Recognise Jokes

Why does China hate Digimon Fans?

Because they recognise Ty won

How can you recognise a blind man among a crowd of nudists?

It's not hard...

Regret Jokes More Regret Jokes

How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it

What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

Baptist Jokes More Baptist Jokes

What's the best joke you ever heard?

For me, it's gotta be Emo Phillips' Baptist joke. Although to tell it you've gotta get his execution down.

Why do you have to take more than one Baptist with you when you go fishing?

Because if you just take one, he'll drink all your beer.