Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

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What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt?

A Yoghurt's got culture!

What's the difference between a dog and Windows 10?

A dog knows what is 'no'.

What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?

One's mad cow disease the other's an agricultural problem.

What's The Difference Between Santa and a Muslim?

Santa will be able to enter the united states next year!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Stephen King?

OJ's truth is stranger than King's fiction.

Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of four

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What's the difference between Botox and Borax?

Two letters.

What's the difference between "Fake News" and CNN?

I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you

What is the difference between a hormone and a protein?

You can't hear a protein. (Wait for it)

What's the difference between a Pound and a Dollar?

A dollar

What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back

What's the difference between BMWs and porcupines?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour it'll probably stop whining.

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a limo?

A hedgehogs got pricks on the outside.

What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.

What's the difference between r/showerthoughts and Jaden Smith's twitter?

Capitalization.

What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict?

One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless.

What the difference between Bernie Sanders and a piece of fruit?

Pieces of fruit actually get picked for something.

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Whats the difference between a White lie and a Black lie?

Half to none of the time.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?

The candle is a thousand times brighter!

What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!

What's the point?

You look ridiculous. What difference does 1 inch really make Don't answer that.

What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"

What is the difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go days without drinking!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?

One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !

What's the difference between a mod and a banana?

removed

Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?

Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.

What's the difference between a Boko Haram training camp and a Nigerian refugee camp?

I don't know, I just fly the fighter jet.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.

What's the difference between a radish and a beet?

I've never radished off to OP's mom.

What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a free lunch?

Bernie Sanders exists.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scottish sheep herder?

One says, "hey, you! Get off my cloud!", and the other one says, "hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

A tire!

What's the difference between the Holocaust and a goat?

You can't milk a goat for over 50 years

What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)

What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie?

You can't dip a vampire in your tea.

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a priest?

Only one of them goes limp when a child walks into a room.

What's the difference between cancer and black people?

Cancer got Jobs.

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a s***t head?

Depth perception

What's the difference between Myspace and My space?

One Space.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

What is the difference between falling from the 1st floor and from the 10th floor?

1st floor : Splat, aaaaaahhh 10th floor: aaaaahhhh, Splat

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction

What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles?

Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.

What is the difference between me and my couch?

My couch pulls outs

What's the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.*

What's the difference between a chickpea and lintel?

I've never had a lintel on my chest.

What's the difference between a church bell &amp a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind the other minds the train.

What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one?

The type of gas used.

What is the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can't here a vitamin.

What's the difference between art and junk?

A plaque.

How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?

A: By their names.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz?

The porcupine's pricks are on the outside.

What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a mattababy?

Works every time What's a mattababy Nothing what's a matta with you

What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

Who can't tell the difference between short and long?

This subreddit mods

What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?

When I dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow me around

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston?

Oc The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.

What's the difference between a Redditor and a brick?

The brick will eventually get laid.

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops at 3 ho's

What's the difference between a pizza, and this joke?

One has cheese on it, the other's just plain cheesy.

What's the difference between a pig and a dwarf janitor?

One is messy, and the other is a little cleaner.

Why is the difference between brucellosis and brucellitis like the difference between a woman and an LGBT woman?

One is real and the other isn't.

What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?

A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.

What's the difference between crime and cybercrime?

At the moment this joke.

What's the difference between a hippie and a geologist?

Not much. One likes getting stones, the other likes getting stoned.

What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling.

What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?

One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?

Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)

What's the difference between a woman and a plate?

You can't lick a woman dry. Rimshot*

What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl?

5 minutes

What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?

One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.

What's the difference between an elevator and a redditor?

An elevator has a GF

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream?

The cream

What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster ?

One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote?

One has a long smeller the other a loud yeller!

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

What is the difference between a mechanical and civil engineer?

The former builds weapons, the latter targets

What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?

Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour.

What is the difference between an angry rabbit and a counterfeit dollar bill?

One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.

What's the difference between Reddit CEO Ellen Pao, and Yoko Ono?

about 40 years.

What is the difference between British and American schoolchildren?

British schoolchildren survive hide-and-seek.

What's the difference between people from Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't like the flinstones but people from Abu Dhabi Do

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days ?

One is a weak one and the other one week !

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