Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the UN and ISIS?

The pension package.

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What's the difference between a sumo and a feminist?

A sumo shaves their legs.

What the difference between a ISIS member and a child?

I don't know, I just fly the drones.

What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents?

US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.

What is the difference between a poker card and Africa?

The sooner is the Ace of Spades and the latter, a Space of AIDS.

What is the difference between a girl from London and a Kitkat?

You only get 4 fingers in a Kitkat.

What's the difference between a sausage dog and a market trader?

One bawls his wares out on the street...

What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche?

A. With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?

One's a pro, and one's a con.

What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

A: It's all in the grip.

How do you tell the difference from a guy's chromosome and a girl's chromosome?

You pull down their gene's and have a look! Credit: I heard this from an older gentlemen today at a senior home.

What's the difference between a doe and dope?

One's gotta pee.

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a baby and a politician?

Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

What is the difference between an Irish drinking song and a Country drinking song?

You don't cry in your beer when the Irish song is playing.

What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

What's the difference between handguns and feminists?

A handgun only has one trigger.

What's the difference between me and a pigeon?

A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW

What's the difference between seal hunters and teenagers?

There's none, both like clubbing.

What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?

One knows the stops the other stops the nose.

What's the difference between a bicycle and a black man?

A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dessed man on a bicycle?

Attire...!!

What's the difference between a violinist and a fiddler?

How red their necks are.

What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?

A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.

What's the difference between America and Europe?

In America, we call our inbred hillbillies. In Europe, they call them royals.

What's the difference between tumblr and a gun?

The gun has only one trigger

What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight. Be gentle... it's my cake day :-)

What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

About three inches.

Why cant programmers tell the difference between christmas and thanksgiving?

Because oct 31 = dec 25

What's the difference between Italy and a tea bag?

Ones in a cup

What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?

A: A chainsaw can be tuned.

Whats the difference between a black man and a dining room table?

A dining room table can stay and support a family of four.

Whats the difference between an environmentalist and a dog sitting in the rain?

eventually the dog sitting in the rain will stop whinging.

What's the difference between a gamer and a pot of boiling water?

A pot of boiling water doesn't get salty when you put a tea-bag in it.

What is the difference between leaves and a car?

One you brush and rake, the other you rush and brake.

What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?

A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.

What's the difference between a Fig and a Fig Newton?

A Fig Newton is Force sensitive.

What's the difference between a redwood and a dead baby?

A redwood won't fit in a wood chipper.

What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat?

One mucks around in fountains.

What's the difference between a girl's track team and a bunch of pigs?

One's a group of cunning runts...

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin.

What's the difference between a Brit and an American?

The Brit got kicked out and the American did the kicking.

What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a lima bean on my chest

What's the difference between a burlap sack and my nutsack?

The babies in my nutsack are still living.

What's the difference between me and a cardboard box?

A cardboard box isn't always empty on the inside. :(

What's the difference between the Holocaust and this joke?

The Holocaust was funny.

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it

What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?

A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

What's the difference between a conservative priest and a progressive priest?

A progressive priest will give you a reach around.

Whats the difference between a North Korean missile and a K-Pop singer?

The singer can have a hit

Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road and a dead lawyer on the side of the road?

There are skidmarks before the dog.

What's the difference between an old joke and a new one?

Nothing. We're on reddit

What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans?

Eventually the baby stops crying

What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.

What's the difference between a meth lab and a Ferrari?

There isn't a Ferrari in my garage

What's the difference between Super Man and Spider Man ?

Super Man wears his underwear over his pants..

What do you call a crocodile when it robs drinks?

Gator-raid. &lt3 edit: Learned the difference between a crocodile and alligator.

What's the difference between a black man and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of 4.

What's the difference between procrastination and laziness?

RemindMe! 2 days to edit this post

What is the difference between a woman and a forklift?

There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand.

What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.

What's the difference between oooh and ahh?

3 inches

What's the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaaah ?

About 3 inches

What's the difference between a cult and a religion ?

About a couple thousand years.

What's the difference between a normal ambulance and a skydiving ambulance?

Well, a normal ambulance is usually a van with a stretcher in the back. A skydiving ambulance A bucket and a shovel.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::

What's the difference between a Transformer robot and a Transgender person?

One is living in a spaceship and one is living a lie.

What's the difference between an 18yo and a washing machine?

You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you round for two weeks telling you it loves you

What's the difference between a Hummer and a cactus?

A cactus has all the pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house?

Answer: On a quantum level, there is no difference.

What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.

Whats the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop its own cultures without having to resort to stealing others.

What's the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist?

A Methodist will say "hi" to you at the liquor store

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a marathon full of feminists?

The tribe of pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What's that difference between a pun and a dad joke?

Dad jokes are punnier.

What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper?

What " "You aren't coming to my house"

What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?

One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?

One baits his hook the other hates his book.

What's the difference between a hobo crack addict and a millionaire crack addict?

99 dollars.

How do you tell the difference between an X and Y chromosome?

You pull down its genes.

What's the difference between Santa and Justin Beiber?

Santa stops at 3 Ho's

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

a tire.

What's the difference between a beaver and a deer?

The deer has a bigger beaver

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between 7/11 and 9/11?

One is a part-time job the other an inside

What's the difference between love and hate?

A) Usually about 6 months.

What's the difference between a man on a unicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a bicycle wearing a tank top?

Attire.

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?

Slightly nsfw) His boss answers "I don't know." The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a Stormtrooper and a Zoo Keeper?

The Storm Trooper would have missed harambe

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