Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

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What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?

It is possible that UFOs exist.

What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath?

The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!

What's the difference between hazelnuts and deernuts?

Hazelnuts are normally around $1.50/lb, deernuts are always under a buck.

What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?

When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart

What's the difference between a Triscuit and a Lesbian??

One is a Snack Cracker and the other is a Crack Snacker!!

What is the difference between a fly and a mosquito?

A mosquito can "fly", but a fly can not "mosquito".

What is the difference between a blonde in a church and a blonde in the bath tub?

One has hope in her soul...

What's the difference between David Blaine and the NRA?

The former has a cunning array of stunts

Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

Twitter only allows 160 characters

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

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What is the difference between a terrorist hideout and a school?

How should I know? I just fly the drones.

What is the difference between an American rabbit and a French rabbit?

The American rabbit goes hippity hop and the French rabbit goes lickety split!

What's the difference between Mike Jones and Michael Jordan?

Mike Jones is Still Tippin'.

What's the difference between a fox and a pig?

About six drinks

What's the difference between Barbara Walters and Oprah?

Oprahs Black

What's the difference between the dog and the fox?

About four beers

What's the difference between Mike Tyson and the iPhone 4s?

There are no videos of Mike Tyson.

What's the difference between a Bald Eagle and an American?

The Bald Eagle is free c:

What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

What's the difference between a honda and a Porsche?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a Honda

This joke may have profanity.

Whats the difference between your Mom and the Pringles guy?

I can't get my whole fist in the Pringles guy's can.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What's the difference between zombies?

Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't.

What is the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

an electron

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

What's the difference between a kid and a cat?

Who has the diploma when you get rid of them.

What's the difference between Canadians and Americans?

100 pounds.

What's the difference between Walk of Life and Washington state?

One's by Dire Straits, the other's by dryer states.

What's the difference between a muddy bicycle and a ditzy lesbian?

One is a dirty bike and the other is a derpy dyke.

What's the Difference Between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates?

Bill Gates never got a Mac, but Steve Jobs got PC.

What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

I don't know." "So you're the one!"

What's the difference between a computer program and global warming?

One's an algorithm, and the other's an Al Gore-ism!

What's the difference between Black man, and Batman?

Batman can go in a convenience store without Robbin.

What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?

Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

What's the difference between magic and black magic?

Black magic doesn't work.

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.

Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?

Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you. Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.

What's the difference between OP and a brick?

A brick gets laid!

What's the difference between Mormons and non Mormons?

The temperature of their caffeine

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

What's the difference between a redditor and a dead baby?

The redditor never gets gold

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people, and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

What's the difference between "ooo" and "ahhhh"?

About 3 inches.

What's the difference between ironman and ironwoman?

One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off?

Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.

What's the difference between an introverted scientist and an extroverted scientist?

An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet.

What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath?

Psychopaths are fun at parties.

What's the difference between the lavatory and the cemetery?

No difference - when you gotta go, you gotta go!

What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team?

The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What's the difference between Ann Coulter and shooting arrows at lovers?

Shooting arrows at lovers is a Cupid stunt.

What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician?

The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes.

What's the difference between GOP voters and polar bears?

Polar bears gather around the ice hole.

What is the difference between paint and a midgets' underpants?

When you sniff paint, you get high

What's the difference between a vacuum and a Harley Davidson?

The position of the dirtbag

What's the difference between a cactus and a schoolbus?

Cactus has little pricks on the outside

What is the difference between a blonde and a blonde dude?

The blonde has a higher sperm count.

Whats the difference between man united and a clown?

ones a complete laughing stock and the other ones a clown.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

What's the difference between a white story and a black story?

A white story starts with "Once Apon a Time" and a black story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this"

What's the difference between a Southern wedding and a Southern tornado?

Nothing - either way someone's gonna lose a trailer *shamelessly stolen from Robin Williams

What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons?

One porks women the other un-porks them.

What is the difference between pick and choose?

To pick is to make a selection... And choose are what Cubans wear on their feet.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

BMWs have the pricks on the inside!

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana?

Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

What's the difference between a Porsche and a KIA?

Paul Walker wouldn't be caught dead in a KIA.

What's the difference between a ladder and a truck?

It's no bad luck to walk under a truck.

What's the difference between an American and a moldy piece of bread?

The bread has more culture.

What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon?

The second one's a race for the cure. Shamelessely stolen from .

Whats The difference between Stealing Cookies from a Jar and Child Molesting?

Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies.

What's the difference between Jesus and other carpenters?

Jesus may actually return some day.

What's the difference between a dead cat and a dead lawyer on the road?

The dead cat has skid marks around it.

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

What's the difference between a drummer and shoes in a dryer?

Nothing.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Ferrarri?

Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

What's the difference between humor and odor?

Humor is a shift of wit...

What's the difference between a bad coffee in Switzerland and a bad coffee in Italy?

When you drink a bad coffee in Switzerland you say, "Merci!".

What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in church has hope in her soul

What is the difference between "ooo" and "aaa"?

About three centimeters.

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

What's the difference between an Irish Catholic and a Roman Catholic?

A few notches on the belt buckle.

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

What's the difference between a Snickers and my girlfriend?

Snickers satisfies.

What's the difference between GTA V Online and a non-essential government employee?

Nothing neither one has been working since Tuesday...

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho's.

What's the difference between the jokes from today and next week's jokes?

The posters.

What is the difference between a Greek spearman and a pale beer?

One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance.

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants

What's the difference between fancy food and military food?

Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!

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