Nun Jokes

How does a Nun save herself from being poisoned?

Nun chucks.

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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

Why nuns don't wear bras?

God supports everything.

What do you call a sleep walking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a sister who works for you?

Nun of your business.

What's the difference between a Nun and a lady taking a bath?

The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.

What do you call a nun in space?

Dead.

What do nuns use for skincare?

Extra virgin oil.

What's black & white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

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What do you call a nun using katana?

Nunja.

What do you call two nuns playing a bongo?

A conundrum.

What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint?

Catholic

Why does a priest never get married?

Because they got nun to love them

What kind of fun do priests have?

Nun

What's the definition of innocence?

A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

Why are nuns like a brand new TV?

You need a knife to get in the box.

How many lovers do the religious have?

Nun!

What did the nun wear to the casino?

Her gambling habit.

How many wife's does a catholic priest allowed to have?

Nun

What do you call a nun that is lost?

A Roamin' Catholic

Why do Nuns always wear the same thing?

It's a habit.

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?

A nun falling down stairs

What do you call a nun on the run?

A ROMAN CATHOLIC!

Why do nuns always travel in pairs?

Because one nun follows the other nun to make sure that nun doesn't get none.

Why do nuns hate laundry day?

They always fall back on old habits.

What do you call a legless nun?

Virgin immobile. Loosely based off the nun in a wheelchair joke.

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)

What do you call a nun lost in the woods?

A Roamin Catholic.

What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her head

What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy?

Slim to nun.

What's black and white and red all over and can't get through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What did the nun say to the priest?

Shut up

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

The nun has hope in her soul!

Why was the nun named "NPN"?

She was a trans-sister! I'm so sorry for wasting your precious mouse clicks on that god-awful joke

Why did the nun always go to the same bar?

Habit

What do you call a nun that sleep-walks?

a) A Roamin' Catholic b) An unconscious habit

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun

What is the Pope's favorite type of woman?

Nun

What is black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & blue?

A nun falling down the stairs

What do you call a Nun that bites her nails?

A bad Habit. I'll see myself out.

What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway?

A nun with a spear through her head.

How did the Catholic Priest finish the marathon?

He was second to Nun.

What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

What's black and white, and red all over. And cant fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her.

What do you call a nun that works for your company?

Nun of your business.

What do you call a store that sells terribly made Nun appeal?

The Bad Habit.

What's black, white, red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

What's black, white, black, white, black, brown, black brown, black, black, black, black, black?

A nun on a spit

How do nuns surf the web?

On the Hymnternet.

What's the difference between a nun on her knees and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in their soul, the other has soap in their hole

What is black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & blue?

A nun falling down the stairs

How does a nun lose her virginity?

Dresses up as an altar boy

What do you call a nun that is going for a walk?

A roamin catholic

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

Why do Nuns always wear Black &amp?

White? No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.

What do you call a black-white-black-white.... What do you call a black-white-black-white-black?

A nun falling off the stairs!! A really old one there.

What do you call a group of nuns who's into basketball?

Slam NUNk Who's their MVP Stephen Mary

What kind of fun does a priest have?

Nun.

Why does it take so long for a nun to get her clothes?

It takes 21 days to make a habit.

How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?

Nun.

How many nuns can a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

Nun.

Why did the nun call the Womens helpline?

because she was touched by Jesus.

What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission?

Nun of your business

Whats black and white and red all over?

A nun in a car accident.

How many Women Priest are there?

Nun.

What do you call the Mother Superior of a corrupt convent?

Nun the Wiser

What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a bath?

The nun has hope in her soul, and the woman has soap in her hole. EDIT: NSFW

This joke may have profanity.

Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps?

Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0) :D

What's black and white and can't go through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

How many nuns are there in a temple?

Nun.

Why did the nun always wear a slip?

Sheer habit.

Why did the nun swear when she got her new outfit?

It was a bad habit.

What do you call a nun who's gone to Heaven?

Nun of the above.

What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Why did the nun swallow a needle?

So she could know what it's like to have a prick inside her.

What do nuns do?

Nunthing

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

What do you call a Nun on a motorcycle?

A bad habit

What do you call 2 Nuns &amp a Cheerleader?

2 Tightends &amp a Wide Reciever

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?

Sister Matic !

How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?

Nun

What is black and white and red all over, and spins in circles?

A nun who has a spear in her, going through a vevolving door.

What did the priest say about consorting with the sisters of the church?

Nun is better!

How many women fits in a monk monastery?

Nun.

What do you get when you cross a Jedi with a nun?

a force of habit

What do you call a nun with a drinking problem?

A bad habit

What do they do when the Queen has a baby?

Fire a 21 gun salute. What do they do when a nun has a baby Fire the dirty old Canon.

What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken?

A pecking order.

What's black and white black and white black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill.

What Do Nuns Call Air Conditioning In A Prison?

A convent!

What's black, white and red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

How many nuns would a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nunes?

None.

What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area?

A roamin' Catholic.*

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sister-Matic

What's black and white with red all over it?

A nun with multiple stab wounds.

What's a nuns favorite day of the week?

Sununday.

Why did the Smackhead kick the habit?

He didn't like nuns.

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What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?

I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?

1. No mind. 2. No business.

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

Which fish go to heaven when they die ?

Angelfish !

Why do so few men end up in Heaven?

They never stop to ask directions.

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why doesn't the sun pack it's bags?

Because it's traveling light!

Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?

Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it

Why do people in wheelchairs wear shoes?

Do they think they're gonna magically start walking

Wheelchair Jokes More Wheelchair Jokes

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair?

Whatever you like, what's he going to do about it anyway?

Lady Jokes More Lady Jokes

What's the best way for a lady to read 50 Shades of Grey?

To flick through it as fast as possible.

What do you tell a lady with two black eyes?

Nothing, You already told her twice.

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

What do you do with the time saved?

Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what

Why does the Catholic Church have so much money?

Because Jesus saves.

Temple Jokes More Temple Jokes

Why don't churches, synagogues, mosques and temples have Wi-Fi?

Because religions don't like competing with an invisible power that actually works.

What do monks, rabbis, and Mormon priests have in common with brains?

The all tend to be found enclosed within temples.