Man Jokes

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

What do you call a man chasing a car?

What do you call a man chasing a car? -Exhausted What do you call a man being chased by a car? -Tired

What do you call a man who can smell the future?

Nostrildamus

How is a Christmas tree like a man who's had a vasectomy?

They both have ornamental balls.

What is the difference between a man and a woman?

What sentence did the man who took 2 minutes to turn around get?

Man .

Why can't women explain feminism to men?

Because they need a man to do it for them

What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled behind a boat?

Skip

What has 2 legs but doesn't use them?

A man named Bob running down a train track (only Asians will understand)

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy?

He was too far out man!!

Why couldn't the cop save the hippie from drowning?

He was too far out man

What do you call transgender superheroes?

X-Men.

What did the man say to the Formula 1 driver who nearly rear-ended him?

Thanks Verstappen.

What three words will emasculate any man?

A: Hold my purse.

What do men and pizza have in common?

That you call them and in 10minutes you have them h...

What do you call a man doing dishes?

Single.

Who is the only man to record more knock outs than Mike Tyson?

Bill Cosby

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

Why is Santa Claus always a man?

Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?

Because they have trouble taking a Wii.

What do you call a girl who likes men with small d**ks?

Your girlfriend!

How did the Greek army separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

What kind of Aircraft is into Men and Women?

A Biplane.

What do you call a whore house with only men?

A bro-thel

This joke may have profanity.

Why don't married men live as long as single men?

They don't want to!

How does the Navy separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

How does a woman fix a ceiling problem?

She complains to a man.

What is the only man made object visible from space?

Holland.

What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

Where's your bin?

A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin. "Hey bub, where's ya bin" "I took a little vacation for a few weeks," "No. I meant where's your bin?" "Told ya, vacation, at the beach!" "No man. Where's ya wheely bin?" "Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"

Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting?

Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine.

What do you call a man who makes fart scented candles?

Incense-itive

What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women?

A little bizar

What did the SJW say to the man who appropriated culture?

That's inappropriate.

What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?

It twerks!" I don't know how this came to me..

How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently?

Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.

Why did the man tell his mom to get him out of prison?

She had gotten him out of a tight spot before.

What do Canadian women put behind their ears to attract men?

Their ankles!

Why did James Bond higher a man with Parkinson's to be his butler?

He likes his drinks shaken, not stirred.

What did Nietzsche tell his editor when he finished writing Thus Spoke Zarathustra?

It's over, man.

How do we know Jesus was a man?

We've had to wait 2,000 years for his second coming.

Why did a man bring a ladder to the party?

He heard the drinks were on the house..... I'll see myself out.

What did the man say to the fly?

Hey.. you're looking fly"

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for air, and calling your name?

You didn't hold down the pillow for long enough.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

How did the ancient Greeks seperate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar.

Why did Kirk and Spock march into the woman's restroom?

They were boldly going where no man has gone before

Why did u shoot your wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot your wife instead of shootingher lover? Sardar:Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.