Die Jokes

What organ in the body never dies?

THE LIVER. ometrist will copyright this joke. hopefully.

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Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

Every time someone said "Get down!" they jumped up and started dancing.

How did the king die?

He had a bad heir day

Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?

Adele. Some one set fire to the train

What did Orville say when Keith Harris died?

Nothing.

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to for this one.

What do people call Mozart and Beethoven after they died?

Decomposers

Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died?

Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen.

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the Lebo die?

Cause he was fullllly sik m8.

What did Tupac say when his best friend died?

No Biggie.

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Why do you put a fence around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

Why did Will die?

Because the commanding officer told his soldiers: "Fire at will"

How does Furious 7 end?

Paul Walker dies.

Why did Hu wind-up worse off than Yu?

Because Hu died and made Yu king. Hu died and made Yu king? Isn't that what I just said?

What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways?

He died on the cross!

Why do they put fences around graveyards?

Because people are dying to get in.

How good are the showers at Auschwitz?

They're to die for.

How many Sayians does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But it'll take 3 episodes, and Krillin dies.

What happens to me when I die?

Idk. (I decay)

What happens when I die?

Idk...

What happened to the Italian chef when he died?

He .

Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.

Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die?

Because he was in de-nile.

What happens when a pope dies?

Another pops up.

What are a redneck's last two words before dying ?

WATCH THIS !

What is the worst that can happen to an atheist caricaturist ?

To die as a martyr.

What did iodine say to Xenon when caesium died?

Well, I guess we better Barium.

What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

ya'll watch this!

How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...

What makes a grown man cry?

Watching his wife and children die before his eyes.

How did the Fonz die?

Ayyyds

What do I do after I die?

Idk EDIT: Read the letters out loud :)

How do blondes' brain cells die?

Alone

How do you die by heroin?

When you are the villain

What's the difference between an Irish guy dying in a play, and you getting laid?

One's a tragic Mick...

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

What did the humanistic psychologist say at Freud's funeral?

He died at such a Jung age.

What did the scientist say before he died by mixing Hydroxide and Nitrate?

OH NO !"

How did he die?

The rock is kyptonite and the man is superman.

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

How did Captain Hook die?

Jock itch.

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

Why did the skydiver die before reaching the ground?

Because he reached terminal velocity.

What did the boy say when his dog died?

What did the boy say when his dog died? I'm gonna miss you buddy, you were my best friend.

Why did John F. Kennedy die?

He was too open-minded.

What did the autobots call Optimus Prime after he died?

Posthumous Prime

Why did the plumber cry?

His family died.

What does the Pope Jean-Paul 2 and the little girl kidnapped by Boko Haram have in common?

The pope died a virgin

What do radical feminists and Game of Thrones have in common?

All men must die.

Why do they have fences around cemetaries?

Because people are dying to get in.

What do you do when a Chemistry teacher dies ?

Barium

Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?

He was Cross-Fit.

Why do monks wear the same clothes every day?

Because old habits die hard.

Why are there no elderly people in Africa?

They all die when they turn aidy.

How did the Italian die?

Talking while driving.

What do you call it when an Asian's imaginary friend dies?

Make-bereave

Why did the computer scientist die in the shower?

The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.

Where did the apple go when it's parents died?

Answer: To a Bananas foster home.

Why are there fences around cemeteries?

people are dying to get in.

What happens to Captain America when he dies?

He goes to the Evans

What did the allergic say after getting stung by a bee?

Life's a bee-itch and then you die."

How did Steve Jobs die?

From PC

What's the last thing a Redneck says before he dies?

Watch this!

What did the necrophiliac have when his grandmother died?

Mourning wood

Where do puppies go when they die?

Back into the microwave so I can get in another round.

What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?

Mourning wood.

What happens when the Pope dies?

another one popes up.

What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies?

WILL.I.WAS

What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

How did Charles Darwin die?

Natural causes.

How did the pollock die raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

What are the most racist jokes you know?

There were 3 car accidents in Mexico 70 people died. What do you call a bunch of black people in a swimming pool? Coco puffs.

What do you call innocent women and children dying in the middle east?

Freedom

What happens when the President dies?

The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.

What happens to Eminem when he dies?

I accidentally this joke the other day. Do you think it has potential?

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?

Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

How's Terry Fox like Jack Layton?

They both tried to run a country and died before finishing.

How do black people die from a drive by?

Everytime someone screams "get down! " they stand up and start dancing!

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

How did the sad clown smile and laugh again?

They told him his wife died recently.

Why do they build fences around graveyards?

Because people are dying to get in

What happens to a tapeworm after it dies?

It will be interred.

Why is there a fence around the graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!

How is she now ?

She's fine. But the dog died.

How do blonde braincells die?

Alone.

How do most elderly golfers die?

They have a bad stroke

How long did it take Goku to change a lightbulb?

20 Episodes and Krillin dies.

What do old people often do?

Die

Why do husbands typically die before their wives?

They want to.

How did Mister Baggins know when his neighbor had died?

He read it in the Hobbituary.

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

Why didn't the Asian man cry when his wife died?

Because he just couldn't bereave it.

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

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