An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
Couple's Daily Question Mug
Coffee Mug
He drowned in the mainstream because he stood on it before it was cool.
In the ground.
Through the windu!
He died of asphinxiation!
People actually care if a gorilla dies.
What did Jesus say to Mohammed 'I died for you' What did Mohammed say in return 'How many did you take with you '
Because she died a virgin!
They kermit sucide
Because if he goes on air, he'll die.
A. Artificial intelligence.
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Aloha Ackbar!
Because people are dying to get in.
A: Hair transplants.
Because they never run from nothin but the police
He died.
When the commander yelled "GET DOWN", they all started dancing.
Diamond
Because his mixtape was to die for...
Because he chopped off the wrong sausage.
Because they lack taters
They both died on Thanksgiving
Through the Windu.
You barium! ba-dum-tss
It's like everyone and their mothers are dying. sorry not sorry
They want to.
I don't get it. People are dying to get in them.
Prepear for the end.
Alone
A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Someone dropped a dime on him.
They all died in Tennessee
Barry it.
Cause one had a dream, and he died.
Steward: No. Leo dies.
He just needed a little bit of Clojure.
They lie still.
Because they die at the last second.
Because he didn't Mufasa-nuff.
They're both dying at an alarming rate.
They say "We were waiting for the children to die."
A zomBEE!
Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !
Me after I take all the Nyquil and die. Also, Janet Reno.
Me: You mean after I die, right
It died.
People are dying to get in.
shhhhhh.....it !!
If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.
Literally... made you die laughing e.g. Why did the monkey fall of the tree bc it died e.g. How do you keep an idiot in suspense
A Yeast Infection
Overdue
Because people are dying to get in!
Husband: I will go mad with grief. Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!
An aneurysm.
Thai die.
A rotisserie chicken
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
They both die if you chop them
Well I'll be dog-gone.
It had Barkinsons
Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)
An argument with a woman! And I'm in one right now.
It's days were numbered.
Man: It pleases me to listen that she died.
The goats all died.
He came and went at the same time.
He had a *lovely finish*.
He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea.
They decompose
Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff
Otto Erocket Asphyxiation
Napoleon Blownaparte
Die Hard
A: "Today children we will learn our ABC's"
He simply croaked !
Carpet bombing.
Coup coup coup
Purrgutory.
I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.
Artificial intelligence.
They are just furniture with the ability to die.
A: A pair of Re-bachs.
Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.
There was a huge turnip at the funeral.
He just didn't have the wheel to live.
You Barium
No Biggie.
He ate a Pb and J sandwich.
Purrrgatory.
The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies.
They die hard.
Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)
He followed the shampoo instructions.
Barium
He died of liver failure. He took everything with a pinch of salt.
The police held an inn-quest
Dry Humour.
I'm lactose intolerant.
I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.
Munnu : It went good, but lastly they asked me show them my testimonial. Chunnu : So Munnu : I think I showed them the wrong thing.
Brigham Young"
Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?
The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.
A tsunami doesn't care that you are faster than your buddy.
Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:
Throw a frying pan down the stairs and listen to the sounds. *Ting tong tow*
Slayer.
Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)
Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.
You don't need to, they'll tell you
The one with the dirty knees.
Because they take away your house, your car, your furniture and everything you have.
It was made of pranks.
