Frog Jokes

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One goes "ribbit ribbit", the other goes "rub it rub it".

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Why can't Kermit and Miss Piggy count to one hundred?

Because every time they get to 69, Miss Piggy gets a frog in her throat.

How do frogs make a condom more interesting?

They ribbit

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What do you call a frog in the no parking zone?

Toad

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

Nothing.

What's green and red and goes 100 mph?

A frog in a blender.

Why was Miss Piggy sick for her show?

There was a frog in her throat.

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

What did Miss Piggy say to Kermit at the end of their first date?

Nothing. She had a frog in her throat.

What did one frog say to the other?

Why frogs don't use Google?

They're angry since Froogle was discontinued years ago!

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What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog

What do frogs deal?

Croakaine

What do you call a frog that's in the mood?

A HORNY TOAD!

This joke may have profanity.

What does a frog do when it barbecues?

Rib it...duh!

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

What kind of condoms do frogs wear?

Rib-bed

What happens to illegally parked frogs ?

They get toad away.

What did Grandma say to the frog?

Something racist, probably.

Why did the Frog cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the Chicken.

What sounds like a frog but keeps me up all night?

What do frogs say?

Times fun when you're having flies

What did Sacagawea the frog say in the trampoline factory?

I'm very hoppy.

What do you call a hapoy frog?

Hoppy

What happens to a frog that parks illegally?

He gets toad.

Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?

Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.

Where did the frog say his family came from?

They are German and a tad-Polish"

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

How does a frog greet a rabbit during the holiday season?

Hoppy holidays, and have a hoppin New Hare! Happy holidays everyone.

Why was Jimmy sad?

Cause Jimmy had a frog stapled to his face.

What do you do for a frog with a belly ache?

Rubbit.

Why cant we interpret what frogs are saying?

They only speak in Morse-toad!

Whats green and goes through walls?

A frog if you throw it hard enough...

Why was the young boy crying?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face

What do you call a frog that jumps half the distance to its destination every time?

An asymptoad.

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs middle finger.

What happened to the frog that broke down?

It got toad away.

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common?

Same middle name.

What do frogs say that surf the internet?

Reddit reddit.. First joke i thought of. :)

What's green then turns red really quickly?

A frog in a blender

What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

What goes green-red-green-red-green-red-green-red?

A frog in my blender

Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?

She got a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

What's red and green and spins round &amp round &amp round?

A frog in a blender.

Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?

A frog in a blender !

What's the difference between a frog?

One leg's both the same.

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats ?

In the croakroom !

What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?

A dog who can lick himself from across the room

What happens when you double park your frogs?

They get toad!

How do frogs die?

They kermit sucide

What do you call a frog that is illegally parked?

Toad.

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common?

Hogwarts!

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you

What do you call a frog with seven legs?

A seven-legged frog.

What can be surmised from this?

A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List !" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

What do frogs drink ?

Hot croako !

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

What did the frog say when he walked into the bar?

Bonjour.*

What kind of drugs to frogs take?

methamphibians.

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

he got toad

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?

They sit eggsaminations !

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ?

Lily !

What do you get... Q. What do you get if you cross a large dinosaur with a frog?

A. A diplo-croak-us.

What happened when a frog joined the cricket team ?

He bowled long hops !

What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common?

They both like to pork.

Why was the frog down in the mouth ?

He was un hoppy !

How do you get a frog out of a paper bag?

Ripit

What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit?

A rabbit that says "Ribbit."

Why does Mrs. Piggy douche with honey?

A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork.

Why are frogs no good at websurfing?

Computers have them toad-ily confused.

Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?

So he was ribbit for her pleasure.

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?

A frog with hiccups !

Why did Ms. piggy call in sick to work?

Because she had a frog in her throat.

Why do frogs have webbed feet ?

To stamp out forest fires !

What on Earth happened?

The doctor said, surprised. "I don't know, it started with a boil on my arse." the frog said.

What's the difference between a frog and a cat?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

What name do you give to a frog?

croaky voice) ROBBERT

What did the bunny say to the frog?

My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=CYkDxsaHlkg)

What kind of shoes to frogs like ?

Open toad sandals !

What side dish do frogs like to enjoy with their hamburgers?

French Flies!

What do you call a frog with no hind legs?

A: Unhoppy!!

How do frogs die ?

They kermit suidide !

Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy?

Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?

Hop on.

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.

What do you get if cross a frog with some mist ?

Kermit the Fog !

What do you get if you cross a frog with a decathlete?

Someone who pole-vaults without a pole.

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ?

A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

Where do frogs keep their treasure ?

In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow !

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry ?

A hoppercraft !

What's green and says "hey I'm a frog"?

A talking frog! Stolen from "Friends" still hilarious.

What does a frog that can read say?

Reddit...reddit...

What do you call an awesome internet site for frogs?

Rebbit.

Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?

They always want to play leap frog with him

What happens when Frogs die playing Call of Duty?

They respawn.

What did the frog with internet addiction say?

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?

They share the same middle name.

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Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 70?

She got a frog stuck in her throat at 69.

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What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an elephant?

A tusky!

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?

To stop getting wet !

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What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What's this for?

He asked. "A pay rise." I replied. "My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

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What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!

What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

Answers below please.

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Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing?

Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

What did the suave frog say to the hot frog?

You're ribbeting!

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What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six-pack and a potato

What did the Seven Dwarfs say when the prince woke up Snow White?

Welp.... I guess it's back to jerking off!

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What did the natives say when they discovered a Yeti living amongst them in their village?

Inuit.

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

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What is he doing now?

Friend: "Nothing" Me: "But I thought he got the job! " Friend: "Yes he did."

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.