Half of a cat.
Couple's Daily Question Mug
Coffee Mug
and
2 squared!
A twix bar
Lean Beef
Incase he gets a hole in one
Alien 2: Celebrating the existence of their mothers. Alien 1: I ate my mother. Alien 2: As did I.
Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)
Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."
2: I'm a big fan.
Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Nothing, I already told her twice.
2 hippos and a LOT of root beer.
A relationSHEEP.
Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.
Because they lost their 2 best shooters
Sardar 2: Don't worry, I have one more.
Fire Quackers
2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you 2: I'm too busy.
Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers
A *paradox.*
1. No mind. 2. No business.
Nirvana
2. One to change it, and another to shoot him and take the credit.
2 - Because she had no arms 1 - Knock Knock 2 - Who's there 1 - Not Susie
Police: Police. Me:What do u want Police: To talk. Me: How many r u Police: 2 Me: Talk to each other.
Because they don't have 2 towers.
So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.
not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7
2 large planes
Because it was 2 turnt up
Get off me holmes!
2 Na :D
Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.
He thought they were a delivery service
I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.
2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure ' 2: 'I'm definite'.
Half a cat
Bi-polar
Hello, how am I " "You're fine, how am I "
you're an odd fellow
and "2: Does he have access to a mask shop "
They only had 2 trucks.
1. Spelling 2. Pronunciation
HeHe
A Boston Marathon.
Pi Ok, I'm leaving now.
Why not 17 What's stopping us
The rest are hunt'n peckers.
They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months
Lean beef. bonus: What do you call cows with no legs Ground beef.
2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really I thought you were only 15 2: I am! 1: So what was it Guiness 2: No, it was water.
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb 2 to turn the ladder and 17 to be on the guest list.
When it has metaphor.
A match maiden heaven
I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...
2. What do you call his first victim 3. What do you call his second victim 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!
Is it in
4. Prophet.
Ewe 2
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, ME, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.
Did you say angel WRONG! Its a chinese phone. *Wing Wing* "Halo "
The Tchernobyl cowboy.
A: Ok you 2 dont start anything
Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb.
A pinat
Fred and George Weasley.
Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect
Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good that's perfect!
2-Gainz
A senior high school math problem.
2. A man, his wife, and his cousin
1. Breast Cancer 2. Ovarian Cancer 3. Feminism
A No. 2 pencil.
They only had 2 trucks
1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... Iwillseemyselfout
Because they really wanted a third's eye view!
Basic Math
It was 2 tired...
2
The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car Uber!
Because if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan
2 Tightends & a Wide Reciever
Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken Sedan.
One for 2008 and one for 2016.
1 cup of root beer, 2 scoops of ghoul.
1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
3's enough. Here's 2." and gives him 1.
200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump 2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa (Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)
Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".
Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.
I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana
2.Knock Knock 1.She didn't have any arms!! 2. Who's there NOT SARA!!
Because there's only 2 factors involved.
Boy: My wife & 2 kids.
2 gang members smashing a white boys face.
Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.
2) Do you have a girlfriend 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator
2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat
A schoolbus full of children.
A microwave oven.
Being late
x-post from /r/punny Because you can't end on a prep position.
Doris' day.
To be on the safe side!
The mathematician says "2" The Physicist says "2, plus or minus 0.1" The engineer says "Probably around 2, but let's say 3 to be on the safe side".
Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities.
I don't care. You pick
Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top.
Catholic
He wrote, "i is the square root of negative 1."
I don't know, sometimes radicals can be irrational.
His toga size went from L to XL.
Person 1 : Suggest me a good phone to buy nowadays. Person 2 : Microsoft Lumia 950 XL is good for winters, will keep you warm. Very warm. Person 1 : So what about summers then? Person 2 : Same, it freezes often as well
