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What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What is she doing?

the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

How do you feel?

Asks the fluoride ion. "Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

and whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing all she does is ask questions!

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

When asked which is more important looks or brains?

9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.

How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?

he asks with a large smile on his face.

When he grow up, he will ask me, "Dad, did you name me after a planet?

And i will be like, "No:("

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.

When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

answer "Scissors." then drive away..

What are we going to spend 10 million dollars on?

asks his wife. "31 black"

What would Fred Flintstone say if you asked him which city had the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world?

Abu Dhabi Dooooooo!

Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma?

It took him forever to get her off that street corner.

How do you ask for a cigarette in spain?

Tapas a snout!

When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?

do NOT respond with "I know, right !"

How do you know he's a peeping tom?

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".

What are we going to do when we see it?

she asks. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ?

Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible

When someone asks "You know what I think?

I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.

When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?

I replied "No, she's not that ugly"

What country are you from?

I asked. "Iraq" he said. "How did you escape " I asked. IRAN

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What happens when u ask a fake logic fan... What is your favorite logic album?

Their response Flexicution

What hotel does Link always ask for?

HYATT

What do you get when you mix Fascism and Communism?

I don't know, that's why I was asking you.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What will it be for you, my friend?

the vendor asks. "Make me one with everything"

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

What do you do when your Apple device gets warm?

Ask apple to open the backdoor.

When your boss asks you "do I look stupid to you?

it's a rhetorical question I know this now

How do you ask someone if they're Vegan?

You don't need to, they'll tell you

What did the racist surfer say when asked about hanging a black man?

Hang ten dude!!

Why aren't you wearing a coat?

Coats are for pussies."My mother asks too many questions.

This joke may have profanity.

Why Isn't The Media Covering This?

the media asks other media, peering into its media mirror, media-ing before a day of media in media.

What did Bill Cosby say when he was asked about the child abuse claims?

Kids say the darnedest things.

What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted?

Brigham Young"

Why was Gollum executed at a bar in Iraq?

Because he asked for Ice-es

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love easter, baby." (OC)

Why the sad face?

asks the bartender. "I got fired."

What did the one electron say to the other when it asked it out on a date?

Get outta here, I'm not attracted to you!

When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?

Not yet," she replied

What's a magazine?

asked every guy under 30.

What are my choices?

he asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

Who's there *The Kgb *The kgb who?

Slaps person) we will ask the questions.

What did the Canadian eel say when the bartender asked him if he'd had enough?

No, I think I'd like some more-ay.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What did baby corn asked mummy corn?

Where's popcorn.

What do you think you're doing?

the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... "writing an ese"

What is Santa's favorite type of cookie?

Ask your dad.

What did Blake Edwards say when asked if he had a roomate?

Yes, I have a rhuuuum, mate!

Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber?

Char-Jar Binks

When people say "May I ask who's calling?

I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

Why are football players never asked for dinner?

Because they're always dribbling!

What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick?

Asking for my two year old.

What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$?

Yeah.

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

How do you get three drunk, rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

Ask them to get out of the pool.

Why the long pause?

asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"

What do liberals and homeless people have in common?

They are always asking for change.

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

How do you make $3 million in 48 seconds?

Ask Ronda Rousey!

What's with Jane ?

It doesn't look good" "Yeah, I know, I'm asking about her health"

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with?

I asked, "What " He said, "Little Caesars!"

Why did the Arabic man ask for her hand in marriage?

Because she stole his heart

What about a nice cream pie?

She asked. "Except that." I replied.

When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

Hold on, let me get my bear rings."

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

What's the worst thing about...?

getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger. *Yet another Australian pub joke*

This joke may have profanity.

How did I get here?

I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower.

What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice-cream?

Sure, Bert!

What's wrong with them?

his boss asks. "I just can't see myself coming to work today."

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

When your kid asks you (daddy is it time to go crazy?

you don't know what to say until you wife reply's (idk go ask you dad.) what do you say My little joke

How do I do that?

he asked. "Carefully" replied the vet.

How do you get spiderwebs out of your hair?

Asking because Spider-Man... I mean... Just asking.

How'd ya get that?

asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town " he asked. "So did I!" she said.

How, you ask?

I walked into an autopsy. It was stiff.

What are they gonna do?

Ask you to extinguish your celery Doubtful.

Why do people always ask me for directions?

I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.

What did Mr T say when asked if he had any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags, fool.

When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, Will it work?

Are there any side effects ' No, it's Can I drink with these '

When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

gtOnly if you go aks your mother.

What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

What did Adele say when asked where her dog is?

Groomer has it

What do you get if you ask a bear to spare some of his salmon?

The Bear Glare.

How to stop a kid from growing up. How do you stop your kids from growing up?

Ask Jozsef Barsi.

Why Colonel had a bunch of underwears ?

Because, Brigadier General asked him to debrief his team.

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

What did the ocean ask the scooba diver?

Water you doing here

What asks no question but demands an answer?

A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

You ask them to hold the door for you.

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How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?

It is when the blind try to read your face

Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?

Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

How can a woman make you a millionaire?

When you marry her as a billionaire.

Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

oc Because he cantaloupe.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

deez nuts

What do the Montreal Canadians drive?

Carrs.

Scold Jokes More Scold Jokes

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."

What did the Elephant say while scolding her children?

Tusk Tusk I am so sorry

Plan Jokes More Plan Jokes

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What do you call a one night stand with a robot?

Nut and bolt

What's the difference between America and cereal?

You can get cereal without nuts.

Pinocchio Jokes More Pinocchio Jokes

Why would Pinocchio make a bad criminal?

He wasn't cut out for this.

What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas?

Quit being nosey.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

When do cows go to sleep?

Pasture bedtime.

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.