Baby Jokes

What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?

Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the baby have such a poor time in the marathon?

He was running a little behind

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw a drawer of silverware down the stairs and name it whatever sound it makes.

What do you call the teacher who lost her baby?

Miss Carriage

Why can't ghosts make babies?

They have hollow weenies! .... And I'll just see myself out.

How do mermaids have babies?

Sea-sections

What's the difference between a pitbull and a social worker?

You might get your baby back off a pitbull.

What do you give an octomom for mother's day?

A spatula. Maybe she'll be more responsible making dinner than making babies.

How does a baby Wookie get around?

Ewoks

What do you call the babies born in a whorehouse?

Brothel sprouts.

What did the Russian woman say to her violent husband?

Vladislav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls?

There's only one you can unload with a pitchfork. Edit: Who said something about dead babies?

How does a black woman know that she's pregnant?

The baby starts picking cotton off her tampons. (aaannnd i'll see myself out)

What do a baby and a pancake have in common?

If its black it aint good

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

So you can see the look on its face. How do you get said baby out of the blender? Tortilla chips.

Why was the baby Honeydew sad?

Because it was Meloncholic

Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby?

One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon

What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?

Polaroid Integral Film and Babies

Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave?

Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven.

Why don't witches have babies?

Because their men have hollow-weenies!

Why did Skrillex's girlfriend dump him?

Because he D-D-D-D-DROPPED THE BABY.

Why do women have babies?

Because it hurts and they deserve it

What is the difference between a trampoline and a baby?

A trampoline doesn't look adorable in a sailor outfit

When do you know that you are getting old?

When you have babies on purpose

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor.

How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle?

Nail it's other hand to the floor.

What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies?

A swallow

Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because his mother was in a jam.

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing candy from a dead baby.

What do you call a baby born in a whorehouse?

A brothel sprout

Whats the difference between a watermelon and baby?

One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon

What's easier to load into a garbage truck, babies or bowling balls?

Babies, because you can use a pitchfork.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

What's blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?

A baby with slashed floaties. What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool? Floaties with a slashed baby.

What's easier to load into a garbage truck? Bowling balls or babies?

Babies, because you can use a pitchfork.

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?

De-calfinated!

How are babies like hinges?

They are things to adore

What do you call it when fish stop having babies?

Minnow-pause

What did 6 say to 9?

Baby! Let's do a 69. Hahaha XD

What does a baby smell like in a microwave?

Nsfw I don't know I was too busy jerking off.

This joke may have profanity.

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?

Cot-on-wool.

What's the difference between a baby and a submarine?

I've never been in a submarine.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

What scratches the window before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Christmas is over?

OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

What can we do to make it even scarier?

Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES

What's worse than finding a baby in a trashcan?

Finding a baby in two trashcans.

What's up in the sky, oh so high?

A baby falling out of an airplane.

What do you call a group of babies?

an Infantry

What's blue, small and sits in a corner?

A baby with its hand in the power socket.

Why aren't there any 'Knock, Knock' jokes about America?

Cuz freedom rings, baby!

Why do women love the smell of babies so much?

Because 50% of the taste is in the smell.

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs?

It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ?

Infantry !

How do you make cottage cheese?

You shake a baby.

What do you call a baby Cosmonaut?

Yuri Googoogagarin. I'll see myself out...

Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

What's scarier then ten babies in one jar?

A: One baby in ten jars How do you got a baby in a container A: blend it.

How do babies get out of bellies?

ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO COVERED IN ICE CREAM: "How do babies get out of be---"

Whose baby was it?

The elephant's!

Whatcha thinkin about?

Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.

What's big, thick, hairy, and makes babies?

Your mom.

What's the difference between a truckload of sand and a truckload of babies?

You can't unload sand with pitchforks.

What does Snoop Dogg say to his baby?

Kushie kushie koo

What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?

Help! My pocket's been picked!

What gets you hot, baby?

Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.

How many babies can fit in a blender?

Depends how powerful the blender is

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"

How long does it take To microwave a baby?

I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

Who's bigger?

Mr. Bigger Or Mr. Bigger's baby The baby, because it is a little Bigger.

What do a baby and an Etch A Sketch have in common?

If you don't like it, you just shake it and start over.

Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can make dinner and get head at the same time.

Why can't pencils have babies?

Because they have rubbers on their end.

Which one was bigger?

The baby. It was a little Bigger.

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

Why would I want to talk to your baby?

On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby?

I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline

What baby?

Oh, so you're not pregnant '

What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor?

A: A baby with a javellin through its head.

Whats 1+0?

Babies

What is worse than three babies in three containers?

NSFW One baby in three containers.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ?

Tell him a joke when he's a baby !

What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds?

What if it's just farting noises Is it graded on a curve

What did the baby say to its mom after breastfeeding?

Thanks for the mammaries!

Why do babies cry so much?

YOU'RE MOM.

Who is a Project Manager?

Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

Why does a mother carry her baby?

The baby can't carry the mother.

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?

A baby with a punctured lung

What do you call a baby from Dover?

Doverkiin.

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love easter, baby." (OC)

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ?

Stop crying and viper your nose !

What else did I forget?

WHERE IS MY BABY ! Wait, do I have one of those DO I HAVE A BABY !

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

You might also enjoy:

Blend Jokes More Blend Jokes