Hit Jokes

What did the divers find the sunken Korean ferry had hit?

Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?

A trip without the kids.

What's your favourite priest and a rabbi joke?

Been awhile since I've her some priest and a rabbi jokes. Hit me with your best one! Mine: a priest and a rabbi are waking down the street The priest asks " wanna screw some kids?" The rabbi replies "out if what?"

What sound does a fratboy make when he hits the water?

DOUCHE

Why do stormtroopers make good drivers?

They won't ever hit anything.

How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto?

It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock.

Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore?

Because she's taken enough hits.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?

One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one's a water melon.

What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a car windscreen?

Its arse.

How many points do you get if you hit a golfer?

Fore.

What Daft Punk song is a hit amongst the hispanic community?

Juan more time!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships?

He wanted 2 hit singles

What do you call a walrus that's been hit by a bus?

Dead.

Why are all Blackberry workers so bad at basketball?

Because the always hit the RIM!

How are your step mother and a 17 in the card game 21 similar?

You know you can't but you really want to hit it.

What did Chris Brown say to Rihanna the first time he saw her?

I'd hit it

What do physics majors do when they hit the club?

They torque it..

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

Why is it called the "funny bone" when you hit your elbow on something and it tingles?

Because it's humerus.

What did the recent KKK hit-and-run victim order at Starbucks?

A flat white.

What do you call a cow that got hit by a car?

moo-tilated.

Why did the lead singer of Drowning Pool lose his job at Starbucks?

HE LET BISCOTTI HIT THE FLOOR

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a bus!

What is the difference between my car and Whitney Houston?

My car can hit 50.

How do you hit 20 flies in one shot?

Hit an Ethiopian in the head with a frying pan.

What does Chris Brown tell his friends when he sees Rihanna at a party?

I hit that.

What snooker and women have in common?

When pink is blocked by red, you hit the brown.

Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?

He wanted her to hit the hay!

What's the worst part of getting hit in the face with pie?

It's never ending.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh. - *My little brother told me this one hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.*

What's the last sound you hear before a pube hits the floor?

tppppthh...."spit sound"

Why do we hit things when they don't work?

Because it worked with slavery

Who, dad?

Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.

What's green and hurts when it hits you in the eye?

A snooker table

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

A. The thought had never entered his head before.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

Hit him in the face with an axe

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?

Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!

What did Ray Rice say the first time he met his girlfriend?

Dayuum. I'd hit that."

Why are cops so bad at pool?

Because they can't resist hitting the black ball.

What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears?

Britney asked to be hit one more time..

Why don't women get hit by trains?

There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen.

Why did the stick-figure man's arm keep hitting him in the face?

Because it was the punch line.

What's the difference between a golfball and a woman's 'G' spot?

A man will actually spend 20 minutes looking for a golfball... Alternative punchline: Man can actually hit a golfball...

What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it?

It got all sappy

What did one computer CPU say to the other after getting hit?

Ow! That megahertz!

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ?

That hit the spots !

What animal is best at hitting a baseball?

A bat!

Where'd my boomerang go?

Under there "Under where " Hahaha I just made you say "underwear" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*

Why did the armadillo cross the road?

It didn't, it made it halfway and then got hit by a truck.

What is big and red and rolls over in the snow?

Santa Claus hit in the balls!

Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?

A: He was striking a happy medium.

What's a stoners favorite word?

Here! (Must be said like you are holding a hit in)

What does a Mexican have in common with a cue ball?

The harder you hit em' the more English you get outta em'!

What did the tailor do after she got hit by the lawyer's car?

Sewed him

What's the difference between U-Haul and Youtube?

People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul.

Who writes hit musicals on the Internet?

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus?

He never saw it coming.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.

What do you do when you want to golf in a thunderstorm?

Hold up a 1 Iron. Not even God can hit a 1 iron.

What are we supposed to do about it?

Dad replies: "I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."

Why didn't the little girl finish her lollipop?

She was hit by a bus

What did the cow do when the farmer was about to hit him?

He mooved

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

What's the difference between a refreshing beverage and an angry dragon?

One hits the spot...

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...

How's a Mexican like a cue ball?

The harder you hit it the more English it picks up!

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's brain before it hits my car windshield?

Its arse.

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with pieces of cardboard?

A pillow fight

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a truck...

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's rear end!

How do you stop a clown from laughing?

Hit it in the face with an axe.

What's going on in this movie?

Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

It's dangerous to hit a lightbulb with a bat.

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.

What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?

I'll get you next slime!

What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit them the more english you get.

What did the masochist say to the sadist?

Hit me.* What did the sadist say to the masochist *No.*

How fast can you order a pizza?

HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT

Why was the storm trooper such a good dad?

He could never hit his kids.

What do you call the boss hit by a shrink ray?

Micromanagement!

What did the sadist say when the masochist said "Hit me"?

No."

Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

What did the Moderate Moslem say before hitting a guy for criticizing his religion?

It's alright, reddit'll say this had nothing to do Islam.

What did the leopard say when it ate the man?

A: That hit the spot.

Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus. Sequel: Why did the little girl's sister drop her ice cream Someone threw a fridge at her.

What's the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time!

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks What hit you in the face last night

Why is that frisbee getting bigger?

Then it hits me.

Why was Fernando Alonso upside down?

Because he Haas been hit!

Why is Facebook such a hit?

It works on the principle that People are more interested in others life than their own'.

How do you make a moth bawl?

Hit him with a fly swatter.

What does a cab driver have in common with a pool cue ball?

The harder you hit them, the more english you get out.

Why did the music industry talent scout take a course in game programming?

He thought it would help him with his hit detection.

How do you get a clown off of its unicycle?

Hit it in the face with a pickaxe.

Why did Kevin's Ice cream fall down?

Because he was hit by a truck

What did the golfer say to his buddy when he hit a bogey?

I guess you aren't up to par"

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