Fire Jokes

Freeze your dog and then take an angle grinder and use it on your dog and it Will say meeeeeow. Dunk your cat in gasoline and light it on fire and it Will say woof

Why was the pirate fired from the babyGap?

For stealing the booty

Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out all the w's.

How do you make a Cat sound like a Dog?

You pour some gasoline on it, light it on fire and it will go

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant?

He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it.

Why did the gifting company fire their last employee ?

Because they got a bad wrap.

What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire?

Baked beans

How do you teach your dog to roll over ?

Put him on fire.

Why couldn't the fireman put out the fire?

Because his hose was in a different area code.

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

Because she threw out all the bent ones.

Why was the mathematician fired?

Because he was sur to requirements.

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

Why did the worker get fired from the hp computer factory?

He threw out all the computers with "dy" on them.

What is the safest place in the galaxy?

In the direct line of fire of a Storm Trooper.

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

How are Cigarettes like Hamsters?

They're harmless until you put one in your mouth and light in on fire

What do you call a line of diamonds on fire?

Hotline Bling.

Why did Verizon's mailman get fired?

He was losing packets.

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?

Because she kept throwing out all the W's

What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire?

This is not a drill.

How do you fire a Chinese cook?

Ask him to take wok.

What do disabled people get when there's a fire in the building?

Left behind

Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

Why did they fire Victoria?

Was she keeping secrets? What is Victoria's Secret?

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

What do you call ten thousand pastors setting themselves on fire in protest of marriage equality?

A good start.

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire?

Bernie.

What's the worst way to lose your job?

By firing squad.

What's bright, red and orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.

Who sang at the funeral of those who died in a railroads arson?

Adele. Some one set fire to the train

What do potheads do when they see a fire?

Stop, drop, and roll

Why did Will die?

Because the commanding officer told his soldiers: "Fire at will"

Why did Billy Joel get acquitted?

Because he didn't start the fire.

Why did Helen Keller fire her maid?

Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling

What did the fire say the morning of his birthday?

I'm stoked!

Why do ducks have flat feet?

So they can stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? So they can stamp out flaming ducks.

What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

It became entally handicapped

What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?

Bernadette

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?

Bernadette.

How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood?

His hand caught fire.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

When is it okay to spit an arab woman in the face?

When her moustache is on fire!

Why did the psychic get fired?

Because she didn't see it coming.

Why does AMD call having 2 or more cards Crossfire?

Because no matter what card you cross, and how many, you're bound to start a fire.

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

What did the match box say to the match?

You're fired!

What do you do when a box kotex catches on fire?

throw it on the ground and tampon it.

What do you call it when you use Icy Hot as lube?

Fire in the hole!

What's brightly coloured and looks good on raver kids?

Fire.

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

What did the chicken say after it's wings caught on fire?

Damn, I sure got some hot wings!"

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

She threw out all the W's.

Why was Bob Marley fired from being a tennis announcer?

Because he kept calling "One Love"

Why did the DJ get fired as a waiter?

Because he'd drop everything

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

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