Want Jokes

Why did the dog sit in the shade?

It didn't want to be a hotdog. *ba dum tsss *ba dum tish idk

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's yours?

ME: "I write and want to dir--" "GUNSHOT*

Who are we?

Women!" "What do we want " "We don't know!" "When do we want it " "Now!"

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Why did the student study in an airplane?

He wanted a higher education!

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?

He wanted Mark Antony !

Why did the duck leave his flock?

Because he wanted to be a-loone.

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money. Can you believe how superficial I was?

Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

What did Ray Charles say when his wife told him she wanted a divorce?

I did not see that coming.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question?

A Regis Error.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do hipsters drink their Jello?

They want to have it before it's cool.

What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ?

Something you wouldn't want to unwrap !

Why did the skull not want to go to prom, but still did?

He didn't have any *body* to go with But he still really wanted to bone.

What did the CPU say to the RAM?

Sorry to cache you out but I want the data closer. The RAM replied: you're right, "life" is too short.

Why did the man turn on the lights in a depression clinic?

He wanted to lighten the mood in such a dim atmosphere.

Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?

I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!

What do you want to have next?

Me: a vasectomy

Why does the Fonz dress up as an insect when going on a journey?

Because he wants to get from ayy to bee.

What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?

Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."

Where do you want me to put my clothes?

She says, "On top of mine."

Why is Waldo always wearing striped clothing?

because he doesn't want to be spotted

Why was the chessmaster interested in foreign women?

A: He wanted a Czech mate.

Why did you drop the baby?

Well Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby so I wanted to see if he did.

What did the slave master say to his slaves when they didn't want to make shoes anymore?

Just Do It"

What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?

Harambae

How many tickles does a Japanese school girl want?

Tentickles.

Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

Black Red or Iced Iced Ink Well yes you do but I didn't want to mention it.

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer?

He wanted to have webbed feet.

Why did the lady tell her doctor she had breast cancer?

Because she wanted to get it off her chest.

Why did the bees go on strike ?

Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !

Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

What did you do before you were married sir?

A: *with teary eyes* whatever the hell i wanted to do ...

How 'done' do you want your burger?

I can do "well-done" all the way to "CPR might actually work."

Which of my girlfriends do you think is the prettiest?

What I actually heard was "Do you want a fight "

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Why did your sister jump out the window ?

Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit

Why did Hydrogen hurt Iron?

Because he wanted to see him Sulfur.

Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?

He wanted to check his e-mail.

Why don't emus ever finish all the food on their plates?

They don't want to be ostrich-sized!

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

What did my wife say to me?

I want a divorce

Where do you want to go?

So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again.

Why was the fish swimming backwards?

It didn't want to get water in its eyes.

How do you want to handle your mother in law?

Do you want her incinerated, embalmed or buried -All of them, lets not take any chances

Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar?

He wanted to take a month off.

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay?

Because it was a freight!

Why did the burglar take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway

How many psychiatrists does it... ...take to change a light bulb?

0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.

What 6 things would you want on a deserted island?

Me: 1) You-- 10YO: Seriously Why would you drag me into that

Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff?

He wanted to try out his new air brakes.

What do you want for dinner?

4: A bucket.. *Googles better school districts

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet ?

He wanted to see the floor show !

Whenever a waiter asks, "Do you want to hear about our specials?

push the menu aside and softly whisper, "I want to hear about you."

Why was Princess Peach worried when Mario wanted to use her laptop?

She forgot to delete her Bowser history

Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was More ER Tea.

What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL?

Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants.

Why do police officers keep water in the automobile trunk?

Because they don't want the siren to die.

What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?

A small medium at large.

Why did the sailboat start exercising?

It wanted to get into ship-shape. HA!

What joke is the darkest?

Fire away please! I want to hear it all!

What would you like for your last meal?

Woman: "I don't know, what do you want "

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space ?

He wanted to find Pluto !

Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?

A: She wanted to be a nurse.

What did the toaster say to the bread?

I want you inside me.

Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?

A: She wanted to rock and roll

When does a horse neigh?

Whinny wants to!

Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?

They always want to play leap frog with him

Why couldn't anyone help the tortilla?

He didn't want to taco 'bout it

What's the 4th grade essay in the Detroit School District?

What I want to be *if* I grow up.

What word that begins with "N" and ends with "R" do you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Who never wants to be drawn at a raffle?

Mohammed

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What cake wanted to rule the world?

Attila the Bun.

What do you call it when you sit on a high chair to see if you want to buy it?

A stool sample.

Why did the burgler take a bath?

He wanted to have a 'clean getaway'.

What do you call an antelope that wants a big wedding?

Cantelope

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black person?

Neighbor

Why did Mubarak and Gaddafi get dehydrated?

They didn't want water from the Arab Spring.

What's the different between E.T. and a refugee?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home

Why did the astronomer hit himself on the head in the afternoon?

He wanted to see stars during the day.

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

What do you want for Christmas?

Me: a dragon! Santa: noo, be realistic Me: a girlfriend Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

Why was the man intently watching the bowl of snickers?

He wanted to see who would have the last laugh. back to work...

What do you want to be when you graduate high school?

No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

Why did the girl sit on her watch?

She wanted to be on time.

Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?

He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

Why is fruit so expensive?

I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus.

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia?

Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters.

Why did the bully go to beauty school?

A: She wanted to tease hair

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

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Bad News Jokes More Bad News Jokes

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

Jerusalem Jokes More Jerusalem Jokes

How did Jesus get across Jerusalem on a busy Friday afternoon?

Cross traffic doesn't stop.

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Soba Jokes More Soba Jokes

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Parrot Jokes More Parrot Jokes

How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?

Send him to polytechnic !

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat?

Polyunsaturated

Grave Jokes More Grave Jokes

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Because they both drove Edgar Allen Poe straight into the grave.

What's Beethoven doing in his grave?

He's decomposing.

Time Travel Jokes More Time Travel Jokes

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?

Irrelevant.

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

A: Because he's Haydn!

Why was Sir Isaac Newton buried at Westminster Abbey?

Because he was dead.

Bachelor Jokes More Bachelor Jokes

Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party?

Because they were 50% off!

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!