Want Jokes

What did C say to E?

She wants the D.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What word starts with N and ends with R and you never want to call a black guy?

Neighbor

What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage?

No, thanks, it's just carrion...

Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?

What if I want something that works violently right now "

What did Sherlock ask his friend when he wanted to know what they were having for dinner?

Watson the menu

Why did the engineer put a clock under his desk?

A: He wanted to work overtime.

Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits?

Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

Why are British anti-smoking PSA's often made by homophobes?

Because they want to prevent people from bumming fags

Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job?

What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam?

Look ma, no hands!"

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes?

Fine. They will just be burnt on one side.

Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons?

Because it wanted autumnomy

What did the World Chess Champion ask Michael Jackson?

Do you want to be black, or white

What does a girl want more than anything?

Nothing. She is fine.

What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people?

An icebreaker

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

What do you call it when an Eevee (Pokemon) evolves into what you want with no interruptions?

DirecTV (Say it aloud)

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What do you call a green man sitting on my porch?

My n*gger and I'll paint him whatever color I want.

What are your expectations?

Me : Job. Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job Me : Salary

Why did the balloon go near the needle?

Why did the balloon go near the needle He wanted to be a pop star.

Why did the Yield Sign want to divorce the Stop Sign?

He caught her in a 4-way

What hurts more giving birth or being kicked in the balls?

A women will normally want more children after a year or two. No man has ever wanted another kick in the balls. Case closed.

Why did the blonde make love in the microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

What do you want for breakfast?

Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast

What does DJ Kahled say when he wants another taco?

Another, Juan

What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?

Garbage collectors.

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

What does Stevie Wonder call his money?

Wonderbread. Anyone want to be my friend

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

When I see a "How am I driving?

sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

Why doesn't your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

What do you want for your birthday this year?

Vanessa: I want a divorce! Kobe: I wasn't planning on spending that much this year. Here's another ring.

What's a reporter's favorite food?

Ice cream because they always want a scoop!

Why did the cultists adopt a dead child?

They wanted to raise the dead.

Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?

It wants to keep it's Stockholm!

Why did the toilet want to start a rebellion?

Because he was a slave to the cistern!

What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach?

All the mammaries made me want to go back there!

Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?

because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!! Sorry, I ll walk out

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

What do you call a stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?

Anything you want to - it can't here you!

What do you call a movie producer that gives you more detail than you really wanted?

TMI Burton.

What's the most popular red wine?

We want our land back!!

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?

Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

When O. J. Simpson's kids wanted to go out and play, what did he tell them?

Go axe your mother."

What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people?

tattoo master

What do you call a hump-backed cow that always wants to be the center of attention?

A drama-dairy.

Why did the dog go into the water?

Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.

Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing?

Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.

Why do single men live longer than married men?

Because they want to.

Why Does the Pope wear Boxers?

He doesn't want to look down on the unemployed.

Why is Sia not in her music videos?

Because she doesn't want anyone to Sia

Why do men, on average, die before women?

Because they want to.

What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?

A: Turkey.

Why do you want to learn jujitsu?

Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?

A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf?

A gras shopper.

Why do dogs chase their tails?

A: They want to make ends meet.

What the hell are you going to do with 30 dollars?

Why do you want 10 dollars

Why did the kid steal the fan?

He wanted to be cool.

Who's there ! Aladdin ! Aladdin who ?

Aladdin the street wants a word with you !

What's the last thing you want to hear when blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson"

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?

She wanted a big wedding.

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

Why do you want to join the Secret Service?

Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."

What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law?

One's wanted.

How many tweakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who wants to know

Why did your sister feed money to her cow ?

Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What does a code-switching trilingual Russian say when he wants to increase his bovine supply?

Mas cow.

Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one.

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Why did the lawyer go to the tailor?

He wanted a law-suit

Why did the cautious gambler never go camping?

He didn't want to stake his tent.

Which one do you want?

I said I'd take either/oar.

When does a tree want less?

When it's sycamore.

What will you do with a million watermelons?

I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

When's the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk?

A: Anytime he wants to go.

What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction?

Please sir, I want some moors.

Why did the reporter only dunk chips in the middle of the dip?

He just wanted the inside scoop.

What can I get for you, Ma'am?

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

What dog would you want on your American football team?

A golden receiver!

How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ?

You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction.

Why don't you ever wear your hair down?

Me: It makes me look approachable. CW: So Me: I don't want to encourage that.

Who wants to go to Florida with me?

I heard the clubs are to die for.

What do clouds want to be when they grow up?

Thunderstorms

Why doesn't Aaron want to get out of the water, even though he is hydrophobic?

Because he enjoys living in denial.

Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?

Because he wanted to get more definition.

What does a drug addict and a child have in common?

They both want tablets for Christmas.

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

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