Wear Jokes

Why did the traitor wear two watches?

Because he's a two timer.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?

A dandy lion!

What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch?

He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

What does person with Alzheimer's call What Are You Wearing Today?

What Am I Wearing Today

What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear?

Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

Regular rocks are too heavy.

Why are Trees never invited to a formal dinner ?

They only wear Trunks.

How to tell if you're wearing too much Axe: 1. Are you wearing Axe?

No- Good. Yes- That's too much.

What's blue and white and sits up a tree?

A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

What pair of shoes could the ginger only wear?

The pair with no sole.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter?

They get chapped lips

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?

A: They could get chapped lips!

Where's my Spiderman costume?

I want to wear it to the science museum "In your closet, why " 9: DUH. To attract radioactive spiders!

What are the best clothes to wear to the dance club?

Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants...

How do you see that a linedancer came from Belgium and not from the Netherlands?

He wears the cardboard box on his boots.

What do you call a clock you wear on your belt?

A waist of time

What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka

What are you supposed to be?

ME: I'm not wearing a costume

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

What does a ghost wear when it's raining?

boooooooooooooots

Why do women wear striped bras?

Because it's a ZEBRA.

What do tigers wear in bed ?

Stripey pyjamas !

What's your favorite game if you wear a turban?

Hide-and-Sikh

What's your favorite song?

Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.

What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

What kinda overalls does Mario wear?

Denim denim denim

Why were the camels wearing sandals?

To stop themselves sinking into the sand. Why did the ostrich stick its head in the sand To look at the camels who forgot to put their sandals on.

Why do brown women wear red dots on their heads?

Because they record everything. (I swear I made it up n I'm brown too)

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?

A wash and wear wolf

Why don't catholics wear condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

Who might you be?

I AM THORRRR!!!" His horse perks up and says "Well, then wear a thaddle thilly."

Who's there ! Caitlin ! Caitlin who ?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them !

Why do mermaids wear seashell bras?

Because "B" shells are to small and "D" shells are too big.

Who Conquers All obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Why did the seamen cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong pair of socks this morning.

Who has two thumbs and wears a mask?

Disguise!

Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls?

He split a seam in his blue ones.

Whoa! Dude! Why is Judge Judy in my house?

And why is she wearing my underpants

Why did the alligator wear a vest?

He was an investigator!

Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

Who has large antlers a high voice and wears white gloves ?

Mickey Moose !

Why don't bears wear boots?

Cos they like to walk around in their bear feet.

What do pirates like to wear during the winter?

Scarves

What do you call an Asian gangster wearing a blue bandana?

A rice crippy.

Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?

Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

What kind of jeans does mario wear?

Denim denim denim.(http://youtu.be/rdnTvgK2o5I) shamelessly stolen from tumblr

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he gets a hole in one!

What brand of shoes do chickens wear?

Reebok bok bok

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple?

iPatch

What's red on the outside and green on the inside?

A dinosaur wearing red pajamas.

Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?

To keep here legs closed.

Why don't you wear snow boots?

A: Because they'll melt.

Why do black people wear chains?

Nostalgia

What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

gt- () An investigator

What do astronauts wear to bed?

Space Jammies!

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?

You know you need a psychiatrist!

What do snowmen wear on their heads ?

Ice caps !

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

Why do chicks wear those big, jangly earrings?

Stirrups

Who wears robes, cuts off people's hands, and lives in the desert?

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

What do Bees wear in the winter?

Yellow Jackets*

What's the difference between Super Man and Spider Man ?

Super Man wears his underwear over his pants..

Why do monks wear such plain clothes?

It's a habit.

Why did the dog wear white sneakers ?

Because his boots were at the menders !

Why is women's soccer so rare?

It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.

What has wings a long tail and wears a bow?

A birthday pheasant!

What overalls does Mario wear?

Denim Denim Denim

What do you call an Asian wearing contacts?

Customization. GET IT CUSTOM EYES ASIAN!!!

What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?

A sheep.

Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school?

A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

What do sneezes wear on their feet?

A: Ahhh-shoes.

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?

A: A buzzness suit!

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

What's the difference between a man on a unicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a bicycle wearing a tank top?

Attire.

Why should you never wear Ukrainian underwear?

Because Chernobyl fall off.

Why didn't the car have a tire?

Because cars don't wear clothes.

Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fall out

Why does Mom wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.

What shoes does Brad wear?

Loafers!

Who has a long nose wears a mask and sits tall in the saddle?

The Lone Aardvark!

Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

What did the cow wear to the football game?

A Jersey.

Why do Tajikistani people wear trucker hats?

Cuz they're from Douche-anbe!

Why did the black guy wear a suit and tie to his vasectomy?

Well, if I'm gonna be impotent, I'm gonna look impotent."

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

to keep their foreskins from creeping up.

Why do blondes wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm.

How do you identify the head waitress at a restaurant?

She's the one wearing knee pads.

Why don't birds ever wear underwear?

Because their pecker is on their head.

This joke may have profanity.

What does Captain Kirk wear to the fitness center?

Jim shorts.

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?

For his armies

Why should you always wear underwear in Ukraine?

Otherwise Chernobyl Fallout.

What kind of shoes does bread wear?

Loafers.

What kind of tie does a pig wear ?

Pig's tie !

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?

She was charged with rustling!

What did dela wear?

Delaware) A. Her New Jersey

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Sky Jokes More Sky Jokes

What were the last words Jimi Hendrix said before he died?

S'cuse me, while I kiss the sky...*

Why don't birds have to wear camouflage?

Joke: Why don't birds have to wear camouflage? Punch: Because they are already "in the skies". Thank you, I'll see myself out.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Why pink camo?

Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What is the new coin called?

A Shilling, of course.

How does Snoop Dogg get revenge?

Faux pho fo' foe. Served cold of course. I also doubt Snoop has many enemies.

Reflect Jokes More Reflect Jokes

What color are mirrors?

I don't know, let's reflect on this.

What do you call it when a helicopter pilot reflects on his life?

HINDsight

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What animal never forgets national tragedies?

the nine-elephant

What do you call it when an eclipse occurs?

When God forgets to pay the electricity bill.

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

Where do I put my pants?

He said, "Over there by mine."

Fella Jokes More Fella Jokes

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?

Second fella says "A kilt of course!" First fella "What's the tartin " "She's wearing white" says his pal

Dadjoke Jokes More Dadjoke Jokes

What's the longest you've stayed in bed?

I usually sleep ON the bed. #DadJoke

What kind of a joke does a black person not get?

Dadjokes